tutong mundo

Remember that Day

2009-07-18T15:33:00.000-07:00

Remember that day when you killed part of me...
On that day, I ceased to owe you my life.
To you I surrender my freedom and vow to live by your rules...
But it comes with a very grave price.

I will siphon every cent your soul can provide...
As payment for that which you should have given.
But no song nor smile will escape my lips...
Because that is where the bounds of your control end.

But when that time comes when you need me the most...
Remember that day when you killed part of me...
Know that it is not ingratitude but pure hatred in full bloom from fear...
That day I will kill a part of you for that I day I will be gone and free.

Sinabi nang 2 pm eh!

2009-04-05T03:21:00.000-07:00

Nagumpisa ang araw sa isang hindi inaasahang paggising mula sa tatay ko upang ipaayos ang sira ng ilalim ng sasakyan ko... Naayos naman ang suspension arm ng sasakyan ko... Pero napakaraming bushing pa ang kailangan palitan... tsk tsk tsk...

Humayo ako't naparoon sa Marikina upang guluhin ang paboritong kalbo... Para akong nakapag-adopt ng isang set ng mga kuya. Kapalit ng pangaalaska at pangookray, sila ang mga dakilang tagapangalaga ng aking pinakamamahal na Chicot. Nisamahan ako ni kuya Patricio (mwehehehe) sa bilihan ng gulong upang palitan na ang malapit nang sumabog na gulong... Napakalaking gastos. Naibili narin ito ng cover ng gulong... Binugahan narin ni Pat ang grills. Isabay mo sa headlights na dark... ayos!

Mga bushing nalang at isang matinding car wash, undercoating at liha... parang bago na si Chicot... hearts! P.S. Magastos pala ang pagpaggawa ng sasakyan... Umiiyak na ang bulsa ko. Malaki pa ang utang ko kina Pat at Kajo... huhuhuhu... BABAWI AKO! PRAMIS!

Matapos ang mumunting pag-ayos ng sasakyan, ako ay dumiretso kina Dave upang sunduin at MAG-TANGHALIAN... paki-note: TANGHALIAN... Napunta kami kina Kai sa Columns... pero wala sya dun... May kinuha lamang kami sa gwardiya... Napakatagal namin mag-pasya kung saan kami kakain ni Bes (pwede bang maki-bes?). Sa kalaunan, nagpasya kaming pumaroon sa Greenhills. Nakain kami sa Luk Yuen... TANGHALIAN. Ninais naming manuod ng Race to Witch Mountain sa Greenhills... Wala... Nagpasya nanaman kaming pumunta sa Shangrila... Wala parin... PERO kami ay nanuod ng Knowing. Malalim ang kahulugan ng pelikulang ito. Napakalalim. Kung may Sci-Fi, merong Phi(losophy)-fi (fo fum?). Ang buong kwento ay umiikot sa idea ng Kaguluhan (Randomness) na biglang nagkakaroon ng ibig sabihin. At isang sun flare... ewan... Kayo na ang manghusga.

Matapos ng aming palabas, dumiretso kami sa Ansons sa may San Miguel Ave. para bumili ng electric fan. Magaasawa na ata si Bespren... ay sorry... magkakaanak na ata sya pero ayaw nya ng asawa kaya pinupuno na ang bahay ng kung ano anong appliances. Matapos nun, kumain kami sa Racks. Alam mo naman si Dave, maasahan mong kung san san kami makakarating... DAVE! KELANGAN MO NANG MATUTONG MAGDRIVE HA! PARA HINDI NAMAN AKO ANG GLORIFIED DRIVER MO... hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! adik...

Ayun... ngayon, nagmamando ako sa bahay, nagiimpake para sa isang mahabaang trip papuntang Quezon... YEY! Sana may nagmamasahe dun... Masakit na talaga ang likod ko...

Headlight Adventure

2009-04-03T05:57:00.000-07:00

Starring:
Pearl (Furrr)
Pat(ricio)
Rexi... Rexie... Kajo... BANTAY
Sieg... fred... BAROK
kuy2

Tingnan mo... Mas alam ko pa codenames nila... Hindi ko kaya i-spell yung real names nila... hehehe... peace...

Quotable Quote for the day: Kajo: MAHAL NAMAN!!! (kahit anong presyo sabihin mo... laging may reklamo...)

Punta muna kami sa Dau... Yes, bros... Mabalacat, Pampanga... Sshhhh... Bili ng knives. I have two more babies in my collection... Hindi ko pa nabibinyagan... Yun lang... We ended up eating sa isang karinderia... hehehe... inabot ng gutom...

Pat and Rexi decided to do the headlights so we headed home (left Manila at 10, came back at 3... trips). Ni-grinder ni Rexi... as in sobra sobrang pulido... hands down... I thought that would take the whole day... Imagine snipping a clean circle through metal... But no... less than an hour... Eto panalo: We were looking for an outlet for the grinder... May nakita kami sa kisame... Sinubukan abutin ni Rexi... unfortunately, hindi umabot... Fred to the rescue... hehehe... Btw... nawala ang wallet ni Rexi... opening line pagpasok ng car: "Kuy! Nawala Wallet ko!!!"... Kea low batt...

Si Pat naman nag-align ng headlights... Anak ng... one go lahat... walang kapa kapa... The countless times I had my car checked under the hood, lahat umangal dahil masyadong compact, etc... Si Pat sobrang kabisado everything... Mga talendadong tao talaga. Ilang tao ba na kilala mo ang makakasabi na "abugado, 'gin'gineer and foreman ang gumawa ng headlights ko." Hehehe... ako laaaang... belat... Si Pat, kahit after nung headlights ordeal... nagluluto parin... ehehehe... naka-Extra Joss... hahaha!

Kami ni Fred ang mga tagaabot ng tools at tagahawak ng ikakabit... at tagabili ng beer... hehehe... At natuwa ako sa bago kong nadiscover na bilihan ng beer... hehehe... parang sa Baggao na tindahan nila Ate Lynne: perfect inuman spot plus the easy reach freezer... Well, back then, puro sarsi lang ninanakaw ko sa ref... pero ngayon, parang sarap tumambay dun with the ice (literally) cold beer...

Wala lang... hehehe... natuwa ako sa trips ngayong araw na 'to... :))

Next stop: Wheels...

BAKASYON NAAAAA!!!

2009-03-31T08:09:00.000-07:00

Wala lang... gusto ko lang sabihin...

Pics to follow bukas... Sleepy Kuy2 got to have her beauty rest... :))

VESPER WAS HER!!!

2009-03-30T05:16:00.000-07:00

Jem, Maui, Magic and I took a little roadtrip around Marikina. Sayang wala si Jem when we reached Maui's place. There was a huge: VESPER WAS HER! on their wall...

We gather that Vesper is currently a HIM. Previously, Vesper was her, eh...

Topak...

By the way... It's Bagn-t. You don't say it Bagnet... And definitely not BAGNAT...

Sarap mag-drive ng gabi... freedom of the road... :))

Just Like Me...

2009-03-30T03:23:00.000-07:00

Hehehe...

The worst part is over

2009-03-30T02:47:00.000-07:00

A few days ago, I was seriously contemplating on taking a very long break regardless of the time I would lose. Now, I'm thinking twice... again... Hindi na natuloy ang LOA ko... malakas dumasal si Mama... hehe...

I forgot to eat lunch earlier so hindi ko alam kung namamalikmata lang ako sa exam. Aside from the fact na towards the end, hindi na legible yung sulat ko... I think I'll survive the sem...

I WANNA WANNA!!! MAHAL KO NA LAHAT NG TAO SA SCHOOOL!!!

iClone: WangShaw IPhone

2009-03-28T05:54:00.000-07:00

Natuwa ako sa iPhone na Wang Shaw... Binilhan ako nina mama kanina sa Dibi... heehee... Although, ewan, super weird phone... hindi ko pa alam kung pano ireset at lagyan ng contacts (unless isaisahin ko).

Hahahaha!!! ewan... sobrang asteeg na rip off... at least hindi hinayang na kalikutin...

hmmm... Mahagilap nga si Mark Lagz para makapagexperiment ako sa iclone ko... hahaha!!!

It's not you... It's me...

2009-03-27T03:29:00.000-07:00

In a desperate attempt to 'chillax' my mind, I end up having this soliloquy in my head regarding this early-on-burn-out stage I've been having.

For years, I had been patient, seldom finding any reason to be angry. More or less, the hormones are kept in check... Strength to smile is easily mustered. Back then, the Freudian Theory on repression seemed like a hoax. The truth was human capabilities are endless: patience and understanding come from a bottomless well. And that's what I sincerely believed in... that's what buys me a ticket to heaven, proverbially. Those became the propositions that made the conclusion of Magis possible. Men and Women for Others. We never stop serving because it was what we were made to do as human beings, of service to our fellow human beings. A corollary of that was we are EXPECTED NOT TO ASK FOR ANYTHING...

Also the concept of the generous Creator and the ever-wanting creation. The world was created so perfectly, or so we were taught, that God had already provided for everything that we can ever need. What more can we ask for? Thus... We are NOT EXPECTED TO ASK FOR ANYTHING.

We had been trained to give and never hurt... never ask for anything in return... an eternal servitude as a sign of love. Guilt encompasses us then when we start to ask: What about me?

So imagine the horror when the Freudian Theory of Repression started to become a reality. Subjected to the tiniest of pressures (school and success), imagine the surprise when my patience broke. It crumbled with everything that I believed in. Suddenly, I am a limited human being with certain needs... Needs I can offer to other people but I can never offer to myself... Ironically... It hurts to give... It hurts even to try to understand. Even the slightest of comments offend me. Breathing deep and releasing the anger seems to get harder and harder everytime I do it. Sometimes I need to get out and punch something. (I have dented a lot of things lately... I wonder if someone pulls a CSI on me... should I pay for all those cars?)

The question is, where do I turn to for help? It's not the physical and mental aspects I'm asking for... It's the emotional part... Someone who'd get wasted with me would be nice... Someone who'd just listen to me rant... Someone who can grant me a bit of time in the world to be selfish... just plain selfish...

Since I am clearly out of ideas on where to find someone like that, I had decided to just let the service wisdom rest for a while. That's why I am going to answer the boyfriend issue truthfully: as of now, I still don't want one. If that happens now, either I'll be using him or I won't be much use to him... sayang lang... Now's the time to be selfish (Ayan.... after 3 months... may new years resolution na ako)

Must Have Been Some Form of Miracle...

2009-03-27T01:52:00.000-07:00

I might not be able to leave even if I tried... hahahaha!!! I'm as safe as a monkey on a leash! Of course, it might not be the same for next year but that's another year... It must have been a miracle...

Mag and I had this conversation last week, I think, about 'asking'. We're of different views as with regard to prayer. On my part, I firmly believe in not asking for anything... He said that God has this treasure chest meant for each of us, if only we knew what to ask for.

I'm of the notion that everything is pre-given. All the skills and resources that every person would need had already been injected by God into the system. To ask for anything else, is a form of greed. As the song in Hunchback goes:

Guy 1: I ask for wealth
Guy 2: I ask for fame
Guy 3: I ask for glory to shine on my name
Guy 4: I ask for love I can possess
Guy 5: I ask for God and his angels to bless me...
Then Esmeralda goes: I ask for nothing, I can get by...

Last monday, I had this urge to visit the Loyola Gonzaga Chapel (the only chapel where I can really think)... Amazingly, it was almost 7 and it was still open. Despite the mosquitoes buzzing around my ear, I just sat there praying for two things: strength and that I wouldn't be locked in the chapel (stayed around the door just in case... it was dark... what?!)

Lately, the stress had been weighing down on me. My biological mechanism has gone completely haywire... I sat there in the dark and became Guy 6: I ask for an ounce more strength to finish what I started and guidance. Now, the guilt is eating at me... But it seems like I'm getting it... Is what I did correct?

:(

Aba'y Akalain Mo Nga Naman

2009-03-21T05:12:00.000-07:00

Last choice became first choice...
It's suddenly revealed in a whole new light...
Once in my periphery... now front and center...

At hindi pa taken...
Hmmmmm...

Good Job...

WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?!

2009-03-20T06:43:00.000-07:00

That's my question... and every single one of you viewers are obliged to answer...

Cast of the Night:
G --> BRO NG IBA... sabihan mo yung roomie mo na magdala ng susi sa susunod ha... sa susunod hindi ka na makakatakas...
Joseph --> bro... pero di ko alam kung pang ilan
Pat --> eldest bro
Roy --> Hindi ko alam kung bro or cuz or bading or ewan... (hearts roy!)
Kuy2

Venue:
Isang tagong place called Customs (syempre kung may Embassy... Meron ding Customs... San kaya ang Consulate at Airport?)

Question: bakit nga wala pa akong boyfriend? lahat sila nagiging friends lang?

Sabi ni Joseph... intimidating daw (seryoso)... feeling daw nya makakapatay daw ako anytime (KUYA!!! HINDI NAMAN DIBA?! HINDI NAMAN AKO RANDOMLY MAMARIL SA KALSADA? WITH THE EXCEPTION OF BUSES?!)

Sabi ni Pat... hanggang friends lang daw tingin nya sakin (THANK GOODNESS!)

Sabi ni Roy... hindi... walang sinasabi si Roy... Gusto lang nyang tumalon sa ledge at magpakamatay...

Ayun...

Build? Walk? Talk? ANO?!

Kung naging tahimik ako... mataray ako...

Kung naging friendly naman ako... friends naman bagsak...

Pag naging demure ako... HINDI NA AKO SI KUY2!!! IBANG TAO NA AKO NUN!!!

What to do?

Weeeep... Don't Sleep

2009-03-18T05:21:00.000-07:00

Moot Court... I'm not quite sure if I'm to be happy or sad or irritated or plain numb...

Happy since it's fun to wreck out your brains like the way I did in college.

Sad since I don't have time to study for the finals or plan for the vacation

Irritated since my eyes already hurt from staring at the screen the whole day. PLUS napagbintangan pa akong nagsulat sa charger ng may charger. (Uno, I can be more creative with chargers... Dos, why settle for a charger when I can repaint slash strip your car, free of charge? BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! joke lang... Pero seriously those jokes coupled with the fact that I can't breathe... can be nerve-wrecking and patience draining).

There are times in Ateneo when you are required to do the impossible. I doubt I can still count by my toes and fingers all those times I pulled something so impossible (thus proving the state of IMPROBABILITY).

Worst case scenario... bye bye Ateneo... huhuhu... Hello real world! YEY!

Just Finished Another Nerve Wrecking Encounter With a Blue Book

2009-03-16T04:03:00.000-07:00

You just have to love the adrenaline 50 seconds before the blue books are distributed.

Fill up all the blanks you can fill up.

Then pray to God nothing unexpected comes out...

You know what you know...

Then start...

Imbibing the World with Colors... That's what I see

2009-03-14T04:39:00.000-07:00

Kai's friend says, what the lens produce is what the photographer feels about the subject.

I noticed that some of my friends' photos are highly detailed. Some are extremely blurry. Others are fancy noirs depicting emotional something. Mine had been blank.

But lately, things are starting to change. Pictures turn out more blurry and colorful even in the dark. I'm imputing this to the fact that it's probably the only effect I know. Or probably, I don't have money to buy a new lens. But I'm also trying to pinpoint some event that would cause a sudden burst of emotional output.

I do agree that my mood swings are, lately, on a record high in terms of variation. Haven't felt this since pre-(unspeakable). Downside to it is I'm highly irritable. Flipside: creative juices are flowing like water from a broken dam (okay... bad literary move). Even my words... they haven't been this colorful since highschool. Hmmm... should I write porn again? Kidding...

Aside from my misplaced paranoia and a group of people who are constantly testing my patience (which is, as I said... good). Nothing else has happened. Suppose it's that bunch of irritating (yet endearing) individuals (namely, Kai, Roy, Pat and Drei... bwahahahaha!!!)... much thanks... I haven't been geniunely angry (or emotional for that matter) in such a long time. Unscathe by even the sharpest of words, people attribute it to patience... which is not entirely true. It's more non-chalance or the complete disability to feel anything towards anything, than patience (referring to the virtue). I'd rather feel angry or sad than to not feel anything at all...

Which brings me to the case of the event that happened two years ago. I just realized (due to the excessive amount of time given to me to ponder absent my pub off book) that I really didn't care about any of them. It's more of the need to feel something about anything that compelled me to 'dramatize' thus making much ado about nothing. Even the 'selfless-ness' stage was directed towards me trying to feel for the other (no sexual innuendos please). Thus the intent was completely wrong.

All efforts to waste? I hope not. Without the fire to proceed, I was going nowhere. Without direction, I'd be running in circles. Come now to the stage I incorporate these two pieces of the puzzle and come out the way we should come out as the philosophers have determined.

Guilt and Dissonance... Got to stop feeling

2009-03-09T02:20:00.000-07:00

Wow... Oh wow... Medyo nashock lang ako... Now I know... Hmmm... Now I know what it feels like to be left out... Geez... I hate this day...

Sometimes I wonder if the worst of people started out as the best. I'm slowly losing trust... slowly losing sight of what patience and understanding should be. All I know is that I have to shelter what's left of my dwindling virtues from everything that can desecrate it... including the past and my futile, implacable need to revive it. As of now, I am trying to remove the feeling of guilt. At some point, will I start to erase my ability to care? When that point comes, I'll really start utilizing people for my own means. Is this what the world wants me to be?

I had noted time and again, albeit underlying in my comic words, I feel like the universe is trying to control me. Long has passed since I tried fight it... I am tired... slowly graduating to a toss-coin life. Be it God or the devil or karma or just a bunch of sickos who need entertainment, I am slowly being pushed to 'the dark side' (give a little laugh, bro)... cold and heartless... a barren wasteland in an empty shell...

As I start to question the meaning of friendship, I count the handful of ones I'm willing to stake a bit of myself on. I hope I won't stop trusting... won't stop investing... Beneath this immense cacophony, I'm trying to walk a very thin line... Almost gone from doubt and discord raging in my head.

One day, if... or when... I give out, remember me and all that I was.
I was warm and caring. I had nothing but good intentions for everyone.
I would drive consentiously as you sleep.
I would save my last blanket for you.
I can stand and listen for hours as you unload your burden about your lost love, no matter how much I love you...
I would go far just to accompany you buy what you need... And I'd do it again, if you asked.
And If you love him, I would stand down.
And if you love her, I wouldn't even ask a single question.
And I would wake even at 3 am, just so you can talk to someone.

One day my epitaph will say: "She is manipulative and cruel. Nothing more obdurate exists." Every case won, with or without justice. No warm zeal but a hellfire of greed and selfishness... I would lie soundly in my grave if there is but one friend who'll say: "There was a time when she gave up her life for me..."

Karma and Chinese Horoscope

2009-03-06T13:18:00.000-08:00

A few years back, I wouldn't want to believe in the concept of Karma. Now, though I'm doubting if I'm still in my right mind, I speak BY MYSELF WITH AN ENTITY always trying to strike compromises as to what's gonna happen next...

Another fixation of the moment: Chinese Zodiac. I just found out that I am a Fire Tiger. Here's what wiki had to say:

Tiger people are difficult to resist, for they are magnetic characters and their natural air of authority confers a certain prestige on them.

I wouldn't know... I don't feel authoritative at all. I'd rather stay at the background (yeah yeah... that evil puppeteer behind the king). There's this line somewhere: "but sometimes tiger people come into conflict with older people or those in authority". Agree. There can only be one ruler in a room... Nah... just kidding. I just foster the idea of discretion. If I am given the power to decide or do something, it shouldn't be revoked at some point by mere power-tripping. I do respect authority but it must be within their bounds. Authority is still subjected to rules. The thing I hate most is manipulation. It's my game and I refuse to play it as long as it is not necessary. General rule is, play fair. But once I feel that the person is trying to put strings on me... well... let's just say I can always wind strings faster. Wag lang ako ma-Truman Show. After all, I don't expect to encounter God in human form any time soon.

They are tempestuous yet calm, warm-hearted yet fearsome, courageous in the face of danger yet yielding, soft and mysterious.

There's a reason why I don't like getting angry... MAKE LOVE NOT WAR... (where's my hippie bag?!). But I do have a temper... DANG IT! Things I get from my father.

They enjoy a life full of challenges and unexpected events, like visiting unusual places and meeting interesting or outstanding people.

There's nothing better than to walk aimlessly in an unknown somewhere, lost, with all the money to get home.

Other people in their area are easily attracted by the tiger's enthusiasm and way of life.

I wouldn't know

Tigers find pleasure in the unpredictable, and while other people would rather make a backward step, they are not afraid to explore the new and unusual.

Experimental daw. True to that, I do hate routines. My apparent attraction to a routine is the result of me begging for a little stability. But under normal circumstances, I can make life's hardest choices by toss coin. Rationale is, if one way can happen, why not the other way?

But it is not that simple to interest the Tiger. What they really need is first-hand experience.

Watchmen... need I say more?

Usually open and frank, these people are likely to withdraw and can be aggressive when trapped.

Aggressive when trapped. I remember this part in my life when my friend asked me why I change everytime I am around this certain person. If it's just the two of us, I'd be, presumably, stable and sane. If we're with the girl, I can be a bit... unusual. Here's the answer. Every single moment, I felt trapped. Art of War... Offense is the best defense... Put on a face to hide all anxiety.

But usually, I am terribly open and frank. I don't notice it though. They'd just point it out later on... No words nor feelings would be spared if I don't like you. But a lot of words can be said to cover up positive feelings towards another person (hmmm... weird way of stating it). The open and frank part might not be so conclusive.

As soon as the Tiger has regained their sense of security their confidence also returns, enabling them to set out once more.

These people usually tend to trust their instincts, though there is another side of their personality, which assesses situations thoughtfully before they launch any actions.

Really? First clause is correct -- says Ms. Toss-Coin. Let's just put it this way. If I can handle things either way... I do toss coin... But if no amount of effort would drag me across a particular path, goodluck in seeing me there.

Their friends usually secretly admire their determination and optimism, though sometimes may find it complicated to share the Tiger's enthusiasm and can be pushed away and left behind. Although Tigers can be courageous and generous friends, if they are not able to achieve what they want, they can be inflexible and self-centered.

I am self-centered especially lately... (sigh) But it is a matter of choice. Though I consciously try to be subservient, I find myself unable to be so in survival mode. ,

Ideal jobs for tigers include entrepreneur, military officer, politician, musician, writer, poet, artist, theater director, biological and environmental engineer, stockbroker, athlete, film star, trade union leader, company director, stunt person, explorer, and a lawyer.

I wish... Oh please God, I do hope so...

The God-like Smurf and the Big Dangling Thingie

2009-03-06T02:52:00.000-08:00

Gimme a few minutes... I need to take a break... One more section then I'm done!

You might be wondering what the heading means... No, it's not some codename for a secret crush or a secret activity. It's WATCHMEN, a story of old super heroes who have graduated from wanting to save the world into... wanting to survive peacefully as masked men OR wanting to GO BACK to the good ol' days... whatever...

Point: It's one of the crappiest movies I've ever seen in my entire life but I did not regret a single minute of it... not even that part when I'm trying to sleep through it due to a friggin' explosive migraine...

The cinematography was perfect... second only to Push. As I said, I only had one problem with push... towards the end: in comes the pusher guy's face... it's in high def, darker outlines... shift to another scene... then back to the guy's face, VOILA! Not in high def as the previous shot... (yes, I do notice these things).

My problem with Watchmen cinematog is that it's overkill for a crappy story. It's just plain off... I can't quite pinpoint with precision what I hate about the movie... It's just that, I don't like it... Let me start.

Cinematog and the Story-line
That kind of dark, dick and tracy kind of image works well with serious movies like 300 and push. Normal human reactions albeit the super human strength and powers. The dialogue and the humor, simply doesn't fit the gravity of the effects used in the images.

An example of the humor:
(open scene with Ms. Jupiter [?] moaning... yes a sex scene... give or take half a minute)
(a pair of blue hands starts caressing her with matching electricity... gasp! it's no secret... It's the god-like smurf)
(after a few seconds...l another pair of blue hands... gasp! yes, smurf clone)
Ms. Jupiter: What the fuck?
(two Dr. Manhattans)
(cue in theater people laughing... SCENE DESTROYED)
yada yada yada
(Ms Jupiter walks out the room... VOILA! Third Dr. Manhattan working... cue in people laughing... SCENE ANNIHILATED)
Ms. Jupiter: You're working while doing it with me?!
Dr. Manhattan: My attention was completely focused on you... (thingie dangling... swoosh swoosh)
(cue in theater people laughing again... Kuy2 suddenly feels the urge to walk to the ticket booth and demand REFUND!)

It's as if the scene is trying so hard to be serious but ends up being funny... It's like it has no intention to be funny... It's further bolstered by the grave atmosphere that the cinematog is creating... But it's still hilarious... EPIC FAIL!

And wtf? Guy is tied to the prison bars. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out how to free him without amputating his arms! 0.o?

And... okay boys and girls... CLOSE THIS WINDOW NOW IF YOU DO NOT WANT SPOILERS.

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VEIDT WINS?! THE VILLAIN WINS?! WHERE IS THIS WORLD HEADED OFF TO?

In every literature, there must be a sliver of wisdom. A sliver... This is the only piece of human literature which goes contrary to every single thing a human has experienced: UTOPIA. You know how allergic I am to that word.

Here's how it goes... VEIDT, the smartest man in the world had set up our heroes so that he can annihilate key cities via nuclear explosion with Dr. Manhattan's powers. Heroes go to his secret lair to stop him... In USUAL hero movies, they reach that place barely a minute before the villain detonates the bombs. But this is your unusual hero movie... they reach the place 25 minutes after all the bombs go off. APPLAUSE FOR THE NEW IDEA!

After the catastrophe, US and the USSR decided to be at peace. Two opposing forces uniting against a common enemy. Everyone in the world starts singing happy songs of unity and love. Falalalala...

Is this the world that the movie is promoting?

I had liked the idea that dawned on Smurf's mind. Amidst the chaos surrounding Ms. Jupiter's conception, she was formed in all goodness and definition... like air turning to gold. Then it was overpowered by brilliant Veidt's idea to create Utopia. Brilliant!

Utopia is death. It is the period of everything. It is the final stability that would immediately run humanity down into extinction faster than the exploding of the sun would. There always has to be a balance between good and evil. Without pain and suffering, there would be no motivation. Without anything to run from, everyone will be complacent. Imagine a universe where all molecules and atoms are stable... No electrons transferring... no volatile materials... Air won't move... Everything would just start floating in the universe...

Catch my drift?

I understand that the movie is trying to make a point... I just don't know what it is...

Next time I watch that, might as well inebriate myself silly and just friggin laugh at the scenes without thinking what they mean...

Sigh...

Is it just me or is my taste in art becoming harder and harder to satisfy?

Eyes On Me

2009-03-01T01:47:00.000-08:00

Whenever I sang my songs
On the stage, on my own

Whenever I said my words
Wishing they would be heard
I saw you smiling at me
Was it real or just my fantasy
You'd always be there in the corner
Of this tiny little bar

My last night here for you
Same old songs, just once more
My last night here with you?
Maybe yes, maybe no
I kind of liked it your way
How you shyly placed your eyes on me

Oh, did you ever know?
That I had mine on you

Darling, so there you are
With that look on your face
As if you're never hurt
As if you're never down
Shall I be the one for you
Who pinches you softly but sure
If frown is shown then
I will know that you are no dreamer

So let me come to you
Close as I wanted to be
Close enough for me
To feel your heart beating fast
And stay there as I whisper

How I loved your peaceful eyes on me
did you ever know
That I had mine on you

Darling, so share with me
Your love if you have enough
Your tears if your're holding back
Or pain if that's what it is
How can I let you know
I'm more than the dress and the voice
Just reach me out then
You will know that you're not dreaming

Eyes On Me

Two Meter Radius (Warning Street fighter spoilers)

2009-02-28T02:58:00.000-08:00

While I'm waiting for the View NX to convert my files... danged Photoshop won't open an NEF (will be tweaking that in a moment)... let me take time to run through the reviewer and put up an entry.

Just came out from a potentially devastating exam. 'Potentially' since I did not confirm the fact that I missed a lot of answers. I'm not pretty sure about where to file a friggin' election offense. The prof said to Comelec and the Comelec forwards it to the law dept for preliminary investig... yadayadayada... then the reviewer said: straight to the RTC. That's the problem fastforwarding and not following outlines (at least with me... no image... no mastery).

We go now to the NEF file problem. I think the Nikon RAW format is highly incompatible with Photoshop CS... sooo.... it compels me to buy the new softwares. I'm also not a fan of Microsoft but I think I need to get a copy too so I can 'track changes'. Sigh... God knows how whacked up my programs are.

Here's my dilemma: I need my RAW files to get an hdr pic. To access the files and have the hdr plugin, I need to upgrade to CS3. And you know all sorts of 'STDs' those pirated stuff have... Might as well just hold my breath and get it over with. Methinks I need some serious cleaning after I'm done.

And the Chun-Li Movie... I adore the company but I'd like to wreck the movie altogether. It's simple, it has a decent enough plotline... But it is simply not at par with other super-hero movie. The elements of a super-hero movie are the following: CGI (at least), almost comic like color, high definition, at least 10 explosions, shiny objects... a whole damn lot of shiny objects. Madaming kulang sa Chun-Li. Honestly speaking, it would be WOW if it was shown in the 1990's... Unfortunately, this is the 21st century.

Plotline, there was a part I didn't get. Bison's daughter, Rose, was retrieved. At one point, the whole story revolved around her. Chun Li needed to get to her for the sole reason that IT was important to her arch-enemy. Then, when they realized she was the daughter, she was immediately used as Bison's weak point. How do I point this out... hmmm... They sought her for no particular reasom. The Web, the Interpol and the Bangkok Elite Police Force were all right up her ass because she was the package. Her purpose of being there radically changed without a moment's pause on the part of Chun Li as regards her determination to bring Bison down. Eto pala: at first, she was after the package... then the focus shifted and she was after Bison himself... She did not even stop to reconsider the importance of the package, the shock that Bison has a daughter(?!?!?!?!), and the implications of her killing Bison in front of Rose ("am I stooping down to Bison's level?" Chun-Li DIDN'T ASK).

The usual story would be: "You kill my father, I kill you"... But no... It had to be appended with "in front of your daughter". Where is our world headed? Even morality of heroes in movies are compromised!!!

Oh and btw, I'm a Vega fan. Yes, I still do remember Kuya Ivan's consoles (especially that family computer), Batman and Streetfighters... I play either Chun-Li, Vega or that green electric beast... BLANKA!!! DURING THE RARE MOMENTS THEY LET ME!!! Anyway, I am a Vega fan and his face was concealed CONSISTENLY through the game/s and the TV series... That mask gives him a vain sense of superiority to negatively equal that of Ryu's and Ken's COMBINED. Then suddenly, they decided to reveal Vega and VOILA! It's a fugly!!! waaaaah! Boo you! You don't get to make STREETFIGHTERS: The Legend of Vega. That would have been fantastic... City living, playboy, serial killer tendencies... It would have been a hit... serves you right!

Speaking of movies, one TERRIFIC movie I saw lately was Push. Absotively Posolutely wonderful. The thing is, CGI HDR (not the HDR I'm crying over these past few days) is, I think, much overused. Push combined the HDR part and the 'lomographic' colors in the imagery that made each subject in each frame stand out to the point of being surreal. It's the Hong Kong as I imagined it to be. Neon lights, market places, basically, color heaven.

Last point: Two meter radius. Me thinks some people are assuming too much. My point against that is: YOU WISH. I do have taste. Fried chicken and huge assholes are simply not my thing...

Dreaming of Sniper Rifles

2009-02-25T11:10:00.000-08:00

Been dreaming of sniper rifles for three days straight now, eversince I watched that CSI Miami episode regarding the serial sniper. I don't even know what that gun is since it keeps changing. It always ends with me trying to snatch it back until my 'High Voltage' alarm wakes me up.

Still don't know what it means... Hmmm... And I'm trying to figure out what 'PRM' is. The guy who gave me the gun (in my dream... oh how I wish that would happen in real life) said: "You have to kill the PRM. It doesn't have a heart. Shoot em straight between the EYE." Those words were said in a ransom letter kind of way (yeah... how do you explain that? hmmm... not a ransom call... a ransom letter with the magazine cutouts and the dirty white paper being read in a dark red room with beating red lights.

I'm seriously disturbed. (1) What the f* is PRM (gives me the creeps); (2) I WAKE UP WITHOUT MY RIFLE!!!

Pa-isa lang

2009-02-24T03:07:00.000-08:00

I'll be sleeping in a while. I still have a pending entry regarding the Daniel Smith Case and I'm too sleepy to finish it. I just have to put down this conversation that 'automatically' ran through my head. Sometimes I think I'm already having a split personality. An irritating voice keeps popping up (just in my head ah) especially when I'm driving or swimming...

It: What's holding you back, really? Is it... the former bestfriend?
Me: No. Cant care less bout that.
It: Can it be your physical insecurities?
Me: Yes... I dunno... Ewan... I'm not the type of person who'd shy away from the crowd when I'm in my suit. I couldn't care less...
It: How about expectations?
Me: Theirs or mine?
It: Yours first.
Me: I'm fickle-minded.
It: Binary Opposites...
Me: Binary Opposites. I'd like a knight in shining armor... but I'd be pissed if he decides to be a martyr for me especially in fights I can handle by myself. I'd like a street-smart guy but lately, I don't like being dragged across the city just for an adventure. I'd like that bad-assed guy: gambler, smoker, street-smart... I don't like em good rich kids. But I'd appreciate someone responsible. This is too... high-school-ish... Drop it.
It: Theirs?
Me: On one hand, I'm putting up a hell lot of defenses and masks. People think I'm talkative and uberly patient. What they don't know is that most of the time, they're tiptoeing on the edge of it and that I'm on the verge of hurting someone, really bad. For one, I think they're expecting me to be someone so perfect when in fact, I am not. Although I'm trying... I don't think that I can meet that expectation.
It: Yeah, you have to meet theirs just as they have to meet yours
Me: But I'm not imposing anything! You'd have a list of ideals but, as you can see, I'm also not pretty sure about that.
It: Really? What about... (codename:) Henry as opposed to (codename:) Gio... As opposed to that person.
Me: ...... You do have a point.

(then I reach home)

pesky pesky pesky ViMH

OMG!!!

2009-02-22T22:49:00.000-08:00

Imagine being a dying wife of a doctor as hot as Hugh Jackman. Be kissed on the neck by that scruffy face of his... BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I'm watching the fountain. I love the imagery... Note to self: will have to get my hands on a DVD copy...

Last Leaf Hanging

2009-02-21T03:41:00.000-08:00

I guess all hopes have been surrendered. People are of the opinion that time heals. It is now that I'm begging to disagree. Still one sliver is left. Your face still crosses my mind from time to time. I can't help but wonder if all that I'm doing is a subconcious attempt to completely remove you from memory.

It is not the love that ties me down. All hopes of that erased... I can honestly say that even if it's offered, in the slightest chance that it is, I can turn it down with no regret nor guilt. It's the lost friendship that chills me... It's the stupidity and carelessness. I had touched that slice of heaven but greed got the best of me and slowly I slipped.

Nothing's ever the same.Nothing will ever be. I sat under that full moon with people I barely know, under the chilling presence of towers looming... Only a cigarette to keep me company and the memory of you. You're the last friend I ever built and the last friend I'll ever build. Everything else must remain potential flashes of memory without bonds. Never again will I give them power over me. People come and go. Some are lost in death, others to life and others to reality. I'm sure about one thing: all of them will be lost. And when that time comes, I won't shed a tear.

Wing It

2009-02-19T01:02:00.000-08:00

Bow in the presence of the master... Be awed! I have perfected the art of lying... BOOOW!

Chance is the natural working of the Universe without my intervention

2009-02-17T03:00:00.000-08:00

It almost startled me when this conversation took place:

sheelah: richmond... a friend and I are trying to set up a shoot... private lang samin... pero I said I wanted to invite you... bishoujokai.multiply.com... para fun... diba diba diba?
casanovarich: sheelah i won!!!!
sheelah: where?
casanovarich: sa lotto!
casanovarich: 240 million
sheelah: talaga?
sheelah: no shit
casanovarich: joke
casanovarich: bwahahaha

A few days ago din ata, Pat started a conversation regarding Lotto and winning items from the the chance cards at Shell...

A few months back, Mag won 20k from god-knows-where.

Luck and chance.

Lately, gambling has been bugging me. It seems as if when at a crossroad (ANY CROSS ROAD), I would weigh the chances: what lane goes faster, who'll get to the top of the stairs first... etc. Eversince I watched that Chinese Telenovela with Warendi, I found myself lingering around the Metrowalk area... As if my very being is attracted to that damned place.

I haven't played in more than a year... INCLUDING pokerstars... Last time I gambled was the second the the last Pacquiao match. Eversince that week after midterms, I also found myself giving into chance. In my head, been chanting eeny minie miny moe more than 10 times a day. At least 10 events a day that chartered my future depended on where my finger is pointed.

Yesterday, I was at Eastwood and guess who I saw: MRS. BELEN SULIT. A little background... she almost flunked me in Math when I was in 1st year highschool. I encountered her 3 years after in 4th year and she had to 'borrow' points from me since 99 - 100 can't be reflected in the cards. Around that time, booklets were distributed in class: the Ateneo application brochures and form. The moving factor that caused me to choose applied math was this: Karen Torres, my valedictorian classmate, chose BS-Math... I chose the course next to her. I had the confidence because I had a good track record in Mrs. Sulit's class... I was the only one who perfected the first quiz. From then on, it was a streak.

Back to the story, I saw Mrs. Sulit. I had to ask a few of her students from Sandiwa (turns out that they were having their PROSEC field trip) if she was Mrs. Sulit. I just had to approach her... Basically, I was star struck... It's like I saw a window to my past, to who I was before REALITY sank in, and to the people who nurtured me when I was too nonchalant to care about anything. I began to make a comparison of the BEFORE and AFTER pictures.

WHAT WENT WRONG?!

Actually, principle and attitude-wise I am far better. I still think this fighter is better than the previous suicidal anti-social (we were the original emos without all that black faggot nonsense). But habit-wise... I doubt. Maybe the factors have changed. Maybe the proportion of my capability to learn and the materials to learn have developed a gap. Or maybe, I am using a different part of my brain, the one I haven't used since highschool (language... YES YES YES!!!). Or maybe I'm trying to compete too much that all my time and effort are focused on winning, not taking into considerations ancilliary factors and margins of error.

Lately, using this black or white, coin toss, rock-paper-scissors and eeny minie, I found a sense of peace. I saw that movie Push and it had this part where the characters where unpredictable. Maybe it's about time I become as unpredictable as they are. Leave some things to the hands of chance.

Chance is real... But not Fate.

It might go against the teachings of around three philosophers I know but:

(1) Chance is the natural working of the Universe without my intervention.
(2) To surrender to chance from time to time is a choice within my power.
(3) Fate will never lay a hand on me since I still control my so-called Destiny...

Let the gambling begin...

Living OFF the Edge

2009-02-16T01:10:00.000-08:00

Gusto kong mag sky-diving... or prolly scuba with the sharks... Gusto kong tawirin yung Cavite-Roxas Boulevard stretch in a day... tingin ko naman kaya ko if I just take it slow... Gusto ko din magkaroon ng 1.5M to gamble away... or a nissan skyline so I can learn drifting. Gusto ko din pala makaencounter ng world full of zombies tapos meron akong isang buong sealed up building full of ammos. Tapos may FNAR ka, may couch at pina colada sa tabi mo... sarap... chillax mode... shooting heads off zombies... Or I can be an unwilling mafia head... Yung tipong I deny it pero in reality, lagi akong may alipores sa tabi tabi... KUYA IVAN!!! SUPPORTAHAN TAKA SA PRIVATE ARMY MOOOO!!! Tingin ko, given the opportunity where legal para sakin manakit ng tao (like self-defense or whatever chorva), mageenjoy ako kahit na yung trusty, bulky, not to mention heavy book stand ko. Masaya yun...

Kanina din, I was imagining myself in a recording studio with a band behind me... Pero hindi ko alam kung pano to dangerous... ALAM KO NA!!! ELECTROCUTION... I was supposed to study but I kept floating off into that vast world in my head... But when I snap out of it, I realize I have thick book in front of me, living out a life where I'm in constant danger of dying due to either exhaustion and heart attack... I FIGURED LIFE'S NOT SO BAD...

Single Awareness Day

2009-02-14T03:27:00.000-08:00

Half happy, half frustrating. Am ranting about that crazy old hag who confronted me in the middle of the street.

The day started well nung naglipat kami ng gamit ni Dave. Congrats, dave, on your new house... We went to the Wharf to treat ourselves. Dave hauled all his things up a flight of stairs while I waited in the car for more than an hour. To congratulate ourselves for a job well done, we decided to splurge a little bit for lunch.

Tapos we went out to watch Valkyrie. It's a pretty good movie if you're a history buff. As for me, the Nazi Era is not my forte. I prefer those times when war was made with honor... not with mere violence. Pero, again, it's an Americanized version so you can't expect a clear Hitler point of view. I'm not saying that he is a good man. I bear no respect for any leader who puts himself at the level of a scum by participating in war. But I'm not saying that he's also a monster. A lot of people sympathized with him. He must have had some sliver of humanity in him that changed the lives of the few who shed tears.

After that, we headed off to Market Market to buy Dave's Closet. 300 ang IQ namin. We found a way to cram that in my two-door pajero.

Our grand plans for dinner was put to waste when my car fell into a canal. It SUBSTATIALLY changed my tire's pressure so I'm thinking maybe my mug got oblongated or I blew my tire. We had to head to Dave's house to put down the closet. Of course I had fears for my tire so I parked my car somewhere where the ground was leveled. So that I can get the closet out and check out my tire without having a whole car roll down on me.

ONE CRAZY OLD HAG, that bitch, confronted me saying na I must make way for her niece. That's why I centered the car so that anyone may pass by on either side. Gaano ba kalaki yung niece nya? Tangina, oo nga naman... mataba din... Bitches... She told me to use my head and that I was blocking the drive way and I can park anywhere else but not there. Tanginang matanda yun. I wanted to just kick her ass if I wasn't having problems with my car.

I wonder if she had title over the land where her stairs are located. Hmmm... time to check up on that...

Whether or Not What I'm Doing is Wise

2009-02-12T19:26:00.000-08:00

Patience and Grace amidst all things turbulent, those are the blessings I received three years ago from a man who taught me more than name-dropping philosophers and quoting indefinite statements verbatim. Patience and Grace... are the things that are slipping through my grasp as days drag on. By way of joke, I said I wanted to die. Again, by way of joke, a friend asked me: "when you reach heaven and you were asked what you did on earth, what would you say?"

What then would I say? I enslaved myself for 22 years studying. Did I substantially help anyone? Did I change people's lives? Would friends and family have been different if I weren't here? Would their lives been a lot better without me?

My worth is slowly dwindling. There's no question that if I lose all conscience, I could easily be a powerful woman. Ruthlessness runs deep in the heart of every human. A man can think of a thousand ways to subject a brother to torture even if they are trapped in a room only with a splinter. But even in a room full of gold, a man can bleed out his brain but still can't find a single way to forgive.

I am a weak person born of strength, wit and pride. In trying to humble myself, I find that I am holding on to what I'm trying to give up. Is what I'm doing a wise investment? After last year's events, I have resolved to invest on things, rather than persons. But I've never felt so empty. From the moment I wake to the moment I sleep, I would either be studying or driving. At the end of the week, I would be drinking. What good am I doing? I've been investing on knowledge for 20 years. Still I don't feel complete. What am I missing?

sigh... almost-quarter-life crisis.

SABAW PART N

2009-02-09T23:52:00.000-08:00

Hindi ko na alam kung ilang araw na akong sabaw... Hinihintay pa ako ng PIL readings ko... at ng corp... kasi semi nabasa ko na ang tax... mastery for tomorrow... at ng civpro...

Parang bumaliktad ang mundo ko kanina: Nagcases sa CIVPRO (na natawag ako) at naglecture at hindi nagcases sa Corp... For once in my life, I wish natawag ako sa corp...

Honestly, I'm scared of the subject. My dad offered to talk to someone he knows so that makabawi man lang ako sa midterms ko sa Corp.. I declined. Sana lang irespeto nya yung decision ko... I should have withdrew when I had the time. Pero burned! Lesson learned: WAG UMINOM NG REDBULL AS CAFFEINE SUBSTITUTE... although caffeine sya... never partner with that particular night na hindi ka matutulog... AT, kelangan masabihan ang mga tao sa teehankee na KELANGAN NG INFIRMARY SA SCHOOL... hindi sa parking lot natutulog...

I am now feeling that feeling na I'm one foot out the door. This is not a do or die thing so the adrenaline is not kicking in... Ewan...

Pakiramdam ko ngayon, parang I'm the person who ran a stretch thinking it was the homestretch... only to realize, I have another round to run... It's the like the goal is moving away... Time seems to tick ever so slow... I'm not very keen on dying young but I'd be ever so grateful to my creator if He takes me in my sleep... At the very least, I can rest.

Pero I'd still take this over another heartbroken situation any day of the week.

Safe behind these windows

2009-02-09T23:34:00.000-08:00

Afraid to move near you...
Afraid to get burned
I'd like to stand out in the rain and drown out the sound of your voice
But I'm safe behind this window
Not really away from you
But not really in your arms
Just safe behind this glass
Amidst the silence of my coffin
Nailed shut
Just you and me
And all this great pretense in between
You're too caught up with your past
And I can't measure to what you had
In your mind everything's still real
In your mind, I'm still not here

I would want to say things to soothe the turbulence
But experience dictates I shouldn't speak
I long to hold you and dry your eyes
But you hide it in all this strange coldness

Though I am here, one step behind
I'll always be out of sight
Not falling down
And never standing up...

Screwed

2009-02-06T12:30:00.000-08:00

Word of the Day: Screwed

Kai: Screwed by Paris Hilton (sweetheart, paris hilton? you'd go into the same cubicle as paris hilton? I respect you... pero yun yung totoong EPIC FAIL!)

Pat: It's okay that you screwed up your life... At least you screwed something...

NEXT WORD: EPIC FAIL!

Minsan... There's just no words to describe it

2009-02-06T01:52:00.000-08:00

Lethargic ako this week. As in lethargic na ayaw ko na na gusto ko nalang matulog. As a matter of fact, I have developed an aversion to malls and places where I have to stand up and make rampa (wow... that is so cono, like, you know).

I bought a new guitar... hindi pa nabibinyagan. It has a violet anti-scratch back, metal strings, low frets. I'm thinking of naming it Kiel. That's a good name, right?

Wala pa akong sure place to take the internship... Kinakabahan ako, as usual.

Pasado ako sa Sales and Sectrans. Pero nakakatawa ang grades ko... lahat borderline... Naisip ko lang that that was my worst sem ever... was not in the right mindset... pero pumasa naman ako...

Honestly, I don't know how my grades are being computed. Unlike in college na alam mo kung saan hinuhugot yung grades mo, dito sa lawchool, hindi ko talaga alam. Worst subject ko, ever, corp. Yun na ang pinakabagsak kong exam... Blame it on the fever. I just know I have to get over that little bump kasi doable naman na pumasa ng year na 'to without being on probation. SANA HINDI AKO MAPROB!

Naiiyak na ako... I am torn between taking an LOA and going on with this... Kasi gusto kasabay ang mga inspiration ko mag-bar. On the other hand... pagod na talaga ako...

And with that I end kasi I think I wanna go to sleep na...

Sabog...

Sabaw...

Lo-Batt...

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.......

Rashes

2009-01-31T02:33:00.000-08:00

Now there are red mini blood spots on my legs... My mom was screaming dengue,,, yeah right... as if by some miracle, a mosquito would survive in our house... Is there an organization that keeps track of mosquito population? Coz I swear my mom has eliminated a few dozen families of mosquitoes. Let's just say if they were humans, she'd be in jail for multiple genocide. But then again... the best thing that would ever happen to those bloodsuckers is death.

Anyway... Methinks I back in shape now. No weird dreams last night. Must be the tension in school. I'm not picking up a book this weekend... instead... I'm chillaxin'. Pero in fairness... this is the first year I ever got a fever twice within 1 year. Must be helluva stress if that's the case. *tsk tsk tsk*

This "I seriously need to study" crap... that officially goes down the toilet. If I want to graduate, I have to keep the sickness at bay first and foremost.

What else.

Oh. I am happy to announce that I'm out of the cycle. yey! Hooray to taken friends! From now on, I'll stick to people who are taken. No attractions, no danger... less hassle for little ol me. Now, where's my smokies?

Fever

2009-01-29T23:31:00.000-08:00

Must be one of the worst weeks of my life. Can't sleep... Can't rest... Keep tossing and turning in bed... Been dreaming of academic related things... My mind won't rest...

The Broken Streak

2009-01-27T01:11:00.000-08:00

I'm quite sure I did well in all the exams except for corp... which I am 100% sure that I flunked. What do you expect of a person na nilalove-nut?

When I woke up yesterday morning, I thought puyat lang ako... Pat and his subconscious suggestions. Sabi nya kasi, wag Red Bull kasi bagsak ka after the hyperness... Sabi din nya, para kang lalagnatin pag nagpuyat ka... Hindi naman tumuloy yung sa kanya.

Dahil sa walang infirmary sa ALS, at ayaw ko naman madasalan ng wala sa oras sa chapel, I decided to sleep sa car ko until past 4. Ayun... tinamaan na ako ng flu.

I took the exam sa faculty... Hahaha!!! hindi ko natapos at mali ako sa number 8. Hindi ko nasagutan AT ALL yung 2, 4, 9 and 10. At narealize ko din na matigas ang hinge sa washroom sa loob ng faculty. Nung nagCR ako, nitry kong itulak... Natulak ako pabalik tapos napaupo ako... Buti nalang magisa lang ako. Hahaha!!! muntik ko madali yung mini-ref... heehee...

I was requesting for a retest kanina. The default expectation is I would be turned down... Wishful thinking lang naman... hehehe... Computing my grades, I think I can still catch up with the percentage of the midterms and recits... as long as I get the next recit right. Bawi sa finals... magpractice na ako ngayon palang na magsagot ng clv exams... mwahahaha!!!

In the words of Gokusen (dahil hindi ko matandaan yung pangalan nya at dahil naka red ako ngayon): FIGHT-OH!

Seeing Double

2009-01-24T02:02:00.000-08:00

Shiny shiny... Too shiny, I'm seeing double.
Can't let the merry go round go round again...
No... no no no no no...
We've been over this twice thrice...
Geez, more times than I can remember...
I think we've had enough.
But how to turn back?
I swallowed a pill again...
It's making me whoozy...
Delighted... Elated... just plain high.
But I tore that page, sugared it and fed it to my pooch
Why is the story back on again?
Little miss mopet...
She was a strumpet...
Oops... must not say anything rude.
Too guarded... unnecessary kindness...
Keep luring me in and spitting me out again...
A nuisance?
A nuisance, indeed...

Officially Stephen Chow's Fan... You know I want the whatever baby!!!

2009-01-22T16:40:00.000-08:00

Halatang hindi ako nakakaaral sa bahay... Told you... this is hopeless...

ME +

=

Don Juan Truimphant

2009-01-21T02:11:00.000-08:00

Might not look like it but I love musicals. This one is a song made by Andrew Lloyd Webber entitled Point of No Return which is supposed to the Don Juan Truimphant in The Phantom of the Opera. Although when I was reading the book, I can definitely say that my imagination created better scenes, this scene is pretty okay. Erik here was superb.

Just a note. Between Erik and Raoul, there's no question that Erik wins by a few thousand buttslaps. It's just sad how they depicted Erik in the new movie. In the book, he is the lord of puzzles and mazes. If memory serves me correct, he traps Raoul and the Persian in a puzzle box... not some lame-oh rope around the neck.

Ah Erik... the hopeless romantic... boo Leroux for letting Raoul win Christine... If I was Daae, I'd definitely run away with Erik...

Caveat

2009-01-20T17:04:00.000-08:00

Dapat nagaaral ako ng PIL... asa State friggin Practice palang ako... Nanunuod ako ulit ng Hana Yori Dango... So good luck nalang talaga sakin. Hindi parin ako kinakabahan... This might become a habit. Which is fine with me.

Around a week ago, my mom rummaged through my room which naturally resulted in a general cleaning plus rearrangement. She installed wall shelves (which are panalo... in fairviewness). One of the items she placed on it was the frame Kitcho gave me for my birthday, I think, 3 or 2 years ago containing a picture Richmond took of Kirt, Nix, Me and Mors at Rosepointe Dec 31, 2007. Double whammy, amputa. I miss my friends and I miss my previous life. Admittedly, it was, point blank, the happiest day of my life. Just made every other day pale in comparison. I thought I made it clear that I didn't want that pic around the room. I think I made my point clear this time. Everytime she puts the frame up, I fold it back down again. She kept it somewhere na.

Lately, I've been hanging around with a group of unnamed (queer and just plain strange... hahahahahahaha!) people. For the first time in a long time, previous events have been blunted... mainly because wala kaming ginawa kundi magaral at magchillax at uminom... For the first time, I can honestly say, I'm happy. Bumabalik na yung happy-go-lucky attitude ko... However, I can virtually imagine Dave giving me a good whackin on the head: Ayan ka nanaman... Ma-attachattach ka nanaman tapos when things end (that is, regardless if it's a good ending or not) iyak iyak ka nanaman...

Tama naman. Kea Caveat.

Songs in my Head

2009-01-19T01:52:00.000-08:00

Teka teka... tinotopak ako ng kacornihan... Dakilang epekto ng midterm exams.
Parang walang nangyari sa dalawang araw na ginugol ko sa pagaaral ng CivPro... Unang una, hindi ko alam lahat ng Special Actions. Buti nalang alam kong special action ang change of name so hindi pwedeng iapply ang Joinder sa Rule 3. Pero naisip ko, baka sa Rule 123987345093845, baka pwede yun.

Pangalawa, hindi ko din alam kung anong trips ng court at nag-issue sya ng order of default against the whole world... kawawa naman tayong lahat...

Sigh...

Gusto kong mamilosopo... Pero alam kong wala na akong oras.

Nakatitig lang ako sa sampung tanong ng mga isa't kalahating oras... Si Kai daw, kung ano anong naimagine at biglang nahorny... Ako naman, kumakanta lang ako sa utak ko...

Tingin ko nagdaydream pa ako kasi nakakatanda ako ngayon ng asong puro sibuyas lang kinakain... Naisip ko din na nawawala pala yung jack ko sa stereo... Sandali lang pala... hanapin ko hanggang may gising na tao...

Naisip ko tuloy ngayon... Sana mataas yung school naman para asteeg yung elevator... tapos, pag nasira, at natrap ako dun kasama ni crushness... hahahahaha!!! nevermind...

Naisip ko din pala kanina na nabobobo na ako... Gusto ko na bumalik sa math... (shet... seryosong usapan na 'to)...

Tamang natutuwa ako sa mga tao sa lawschool. Ayaw kong umalis kasi may mga kabarkada na ako dun. Pero hindi ito yung first love ko... Hindi rin sila yung crowd ko. Tumatayo balahibo kong isipin na may isang araw na magaaway-away kami sa court.

Papunta kami sa sasakyan kanina ni Kai and Pat. Namention ni Kai yung Trig and Geom. Parang tumalon yung dibdib ko. Parang gusto kong turuan yung pinsan nya... Parang gusto kong tumakbo ulit sa Math Dept, makinig lang sa bagay na once upon a time, naintindihan ko. I'm running on the reason that at some point, babalik din ako sa first love ko. They said that Math is for the young. I admit that when time comes na babalik ako, I won't be that young... Another challenge then: to disprove them all.

Sometimes though, I wonder if I'm wasting my time on this path. I can't say it's easy. I can be challenging. It's just that my radar tells me I'm going the wrong way... in neon signs saying: "that-a-way stoopid!!!" Now I know why people sometimes say that they're trapped due to their own making. They're too scared to take the leap, leave their comfortable position and gamble on what they REALLY want. Never been too much of a gambler. I gamble with my money, not because I have some to spare but because it's not too important for me. But I never gambled my time.

IF I finish this... If by some miracle from heaven, I managed to pull through til 4th year without quitting and pass the bar... I can work for a while... Then go crawling back like a prodigal son to my estranged parent. (Naiiyak na ako... can you believe this?!)

If Law is fickle and jealous, Math, although steady, is equally envious. Law forgives money. Math forgives no one. If you want to earn in that profession, you get into the corps. If you get into the corps, you'll never learn new things. If you want to learn, you go into research. If you go into research, you forego every single luxury you ever dreamed about (including the muscle cars... they all go byebye!!!).

But the temptation to just turn back and run is too strong. Today is the first day I took the exam without a hint of fear. I'm not waiting for the shoe to drop but I think I can accept things when a loaded shoe cabinet falls on my head.

I'm not in a state of "anywhere but here, please!"... I only can't help but wonder what would have happened if I stayed in my own world instead of venturing into this territory where in a battle against myself, I'll lose.

Whatevah!

2009-01-17T01:09:00.000-08:00

Snagged the video from Tago... I officialy want a kid JUST LIKE THIS... gotta find me that perfect chinky guy...

and the kid goes:

KAHIYAHIYA!

2009-01-17T00:58:00.000-08:00

Nilibre ako ni Roy ng macaroons... Sa sobrang tuwa ko, patalontalon akong umakyat... BLAG! Aray nalang nasabi ko...

Dami kong follies ngayon, in fairness... nakakatawa... pag hindi ka ako... pag ako ka kasi, masakit eh... physically... ayan nadapa... natalisod sa upuan (buti nalang walang nakakita)... bumangga ang siko sa oven toaster na mainit... napaso sa pinainit na ulam... natapunan ng milkshake... buti nalang nakaitim ako so hindi halata... baka kung anong isipin ng ibang tao pag may maputing stain sa damit ko... (ano kayang pinaggagagawa nito?!)

Pag red-tide talaga ako, clumsy...

Eto pa... nagRnR ako kahapon... pafacial... tatlong araw hindi pwedeng magpaaraw at magmake-up... sabi ko na nga ba, hindi na dapat ako tumayo ng kama... pagdating ko sa Seattles, ako ang pinaka-under-dressed person in the room... usual college outfit: guy T-shirt, maong at tsinelas... (pero okay lang... nakalimutan ko na kung gano kacomportable nito, nax!).

Ayun... kahiyahiyang araw... buti nalang hindi na first day funk bukas... sigh...

Brought to the Edge

2009-01-16T01:30:00.000-08:00

And out to the open?
I stand at the brink of things:
Between the shadow and the spotlight...
Trapped beyond the acceptable...
Just before stepping into plain taboo...
Coerced out of the comfort of passivity...
Holding back that instinct to dominate.

Here I am back at the edge.
I can't stand my ground for one for minute
Do I step back?
Or this time, do I go forward?

Bird's Nest

2009-01-15T16:07:00.000-08:00

Here we go again... Although I don't seem like it, I'm VERY attached to people. I am trying my best not to be but it's hard not to when you get to hang out with those people before, during and after class.

The next step, actually, is this: I get to fall for one of them, then the other girl will get in the way and I'm gonna ruin everything... Thank God they're all taken so the chances of me falling for one of them is pretty slim... bordering on the impossible.

It's just that if I'm trying to avoid the path altogether, why even make the first step? (Uhhh... coz it's the only sliver of normality in my life and normal is addicting?) In any case, I'd better check it now. Attachment is for fools and kings. I am neither having only my sanity to risk.

While Waiting

2009-01-11T04:36:00.000-08:00

For precious pictures to upload... I just have to note that for the year 2008, I have 10GB worth of photos... I love my cam but if I don't get an external drive soon, my laptop will start crashing...

Just a friggin' question: WE HAVE CLASSES TOMORROW?! WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THE 3 HOUR ETHICS PLANNED FOR FRIDAY?!

Oh shit... I guess the 3 hour ethics just moved to tomorrow... I just hope and pray I don't get called for that... Let's see... Between Paulino and Uy... you've got: Tammy, Roy, Mhigs, Chrina, Tos, Hersch, Isay, Bubs, G, Mitch, JC... I better download my cases NOW.

After ransacking my pile (I hope they fix that tomorrow), I finally found my list...

Yesterday... or the other day, Trixy held her party at the Intercon for her 7th birthday... I wish I can celebrate at least one birthday in that place... with the matching ice sculpture... but no... kent apord... They had this magician called: WanLu... I think the surname is Na... He put my cousins in baby suits and spongebob, superman, power rangers and winnie the pooh suits... Roy should have been there...

My family has a tendency to be violent and discreet at the same time... I wonder whatever happened to WanLu? hahahahaha!!!

Kanina, we were at Greenhills sa Music Room. Abangan pala for Kuya Jeoff and Kuya Ivan's rendition of 2 Become 1. Pati Kuya Gary's (feat. Kuya Jeoff) rendition of Staying Alive... hahahaha... Staying aliiiiiiiihaaaaaaaahaaaaive!

Ayun... So back to real world for me...

Midterms looming... For the rest of the week, I'll be unavailable... hahahaha!!!

Pictures

2009-01-01T21:59:00.000-08:00

They have a damn way of being misleading.
It can create nostalgia for non-existent momensts.
But sometimes, it's all we got: memories stuck in frames.
Even the bravest and the wisest succumb to this weakness.
A standstill moment of escape and reverie.

Test of Patience

2008-12-29T04:45:00.000-08:00

How to deal with nosy neighbors...
Hell... they better get a garage for their cars...
Coz I'm contemplating on buying a golf set...
Wait... I do have a bull bar, don't I?

And those prized orchids...
I can think of a thousand ways to waste em...

WALA PA AKONG READINGS!!! wait... may new year pa...

2008-12-26T00:49:00.000-08:00

Hinga muna ng malalim
May quiz kami sa tax the moment we encounter Atty. Gonzales in the same room after the christmas break... Here's the thing, I didn't get the readings...
Tomorrow, we're going to Batangas... (take time to sing: tayo na sa beach... tayo na't magswimming) pneumonia or not... I'm gonna be with Regalado and the case list... If I get into a dull moment (at that point when people are asleep, being the insomniac that I am)... I hope I can finish something... kahit book lang...

WAAAAAH! Ima go shut up now...

may binigay pala dito na bobble-head... creeps me out... it was sitting on my desk last night... I was plagued by nightmares... can this be a possessed doll? sure hell looks like it...

Christmas Eve... Morning... Bored

2008-12-23T15:03:00.000-08:00

Spending my time watching Supernatural, figuring out my brother and gift wrapping without gift wraps... Ima go kill myself muna... byebye

Katuwaan Lang

2008-12-21T02:57:00.000-08:00

May Wii na pala kami... I'm fighting for a guitar para sa guitar heroes... hahahaha!!! I love it!
Bought a lot of stuff pa pala. In fairness, my mom and dad went across the city ng walang angal... From divisoria to gilmore to greenhills... bought a guft for my bro and it's not the wii...

I shopped for clothes!!! after a long friggin time... new boots (the brown version of my new black one)... a tripod... kahit na cheapipay, it's just for stability naman... A new guitar stand... finally Black Ben's got a new bed and new set of strings... new undies (oops why is this here?)... a green bag for bestfriend Dave... 3 packs of cigs (which I HOPE would last me until the end of vacation... (God knows how much I smoked two nights ago... I can only remember waking up having trouble breathing... thanks pala for the booze filled night... I honestly haven't felt that in almost 2 years... thank you... drunk and was driving...)

New new new!!!

Damaged
-- TLC

I know Im kinda strange, to you sometimes
Dont always say, whats on my mind
You know that Ive been hurt, by some guy
But I dont wanna mess up this time

[bridge]
And I really really really care
And I really really really want you
And I think Im kinda scared
Cos I dont want to lose you
If you really really really care
Then maybe you can hang through
I hope you understand
Its nothing to you

[chorus]

My hearts at a low
Im so much to manage
I think you should know that
Ive been damaged
Im falling in love
Theres one disadvantage
I think you should know that Ive been damaged

I might look through your stuff, for what I dont wanna find
Or I might just set you up, to see if youre all mine
Im a little paranoid, from what Ive been through
Dont know what you got yourself into

And I really really really care (and I care about you so much)
And I really really really want you (I really do want you)
And I think Im kinda scared (but Im scared with every touch)
Cos I dont want to lose you (cos I dont want to lose you)
If you really really really care (if you care for me like you say)
Then maybe you can hang through (then maybe you can hang through)
I hope you understand (I hope you understand)
Its nothing to you (its nothing to you, you)

My hearts at a low (low)
Im so much to manage
I think you should know that (I think you should know)
Ive been damaged
Im falling in love (Im falling in love)
Theres one disadvantage
I think you should know that Ive been damaged (I think you should know that)

My hearts at a low
Im so much to manage (Im so much to manage)
I think you should know that (I think you should know that)
Ive been damaged (Ive been damaged)
Im falling in love (I love you so)
Theres one disadvantage (I love you so)
I think you should know that Ive been damaged

And I really really really want you
And I think Im kinda scared
Cos I dont want to lose you
If you really really really care
Then maybe you can hang through
I hope you understand
Its nothing to you (its nothing to you)

My hearts at a low
Im so much to manage
I think you should know that (ooh I think you should know Ive been damaged)
Ive been damaged (Ive been damaged baby)
Im falling in love (falling in love with you baby, yeah)
Theres one disadvantage
I think you should know that Ive been damaged

My hearts at a low
Im so much to manage
I think you should know that
Ive been damaged
Im falling in love
Theres one disadvantage
I think you should know that Ive been damaged

Bad thing with alco

2008-12-19T04:30:00.000-08:00

keeps me up the whole night...

Just passing the time

2008-12-18T01:27:00.000-08:00

Time check: 44 mins to go...
Minsan naisip ko, gusto ko ng SD card na bago... 1 GB worth of pics is simply NOT enough...

I've been resting for the past 2 days... Sleepless kasi feeling ko mamatay na ako... pero at least, not reading my ass off... heeheeeee... Friday na pala bukas... last day... since napaaga yung tulog day ko... I'll start my everyday workout sa Saturday.

Mga quotable quotes pala these past two weeks:
Dean CLV: si Juana, Tuna, Trina, Fourna, Five na...
Dean CLV: Suppose you have a corporation making bagoong: Adidas... since they make bagoong with the people stepping on it using Adidas... (ako nga may bagong brand: Crocs... para may butas butas pa)
Joketime: Anong animal ang walang pakialam? --> edi Lion...
Joketime: Anong last name ni Cedie? --> edi Player... Cedie Player

Wala lang...

Time check: 17 mins...

Malapit na xmas... wala nanaman akong pera... ICD gave us money pala for the verification... Thank you... although malaki sya considering there's already that 10% sa corp grade namin... tinanggap ko na... baka bawiin pa... hahahahaha!!!

Time check: 18 mins?!

Bored... sige lige muna...

Time check: 4 mins...

COME ON!!!

Wala pa akong gift sa anak ko... Porn? That's sooooo cliche!

Bigyan ako ng idea!

...

2008-12-15T23:28:00.000-08:00

Got nothing to do the whole day... So I wasted it on resting... watching the Terminator... not touching my books... Not even watching the news...

Since when have I equated rest with waste? Sigh... This life is taking a toll on me...

Politics, law... I my first waking hour talking to an activist. I admit that we view things differently... Maybe I have been indifferent. But still observant... It just made me think on how I used to think. Eversince a cousin of mine died in a skirmish, I have hated the government and the Muslims. That was all bias... Everything they did was just wrong. Well, that kind of young mind with the media... can't really put all the blame on me. It's just that at some 'theoretical' point (thanks Sir Strebel), I realized that I can't stereotpe everything.

This I got from the Garbage lead singer in Terminator, about 2 episodes ago: they all seem to move in an orderly manner... But if you look closely, there's nothing orderly about it. They all see the government as a giant monster with GMA's head... not realizing that up close, the bodies of thousands of people, the employees, the directors, their families... my parents, me... we're all entwined within that framework... They don't realize that if you topple that thing, you pull down everyone else. To blame FVR at that time was to blame myself and our neighbor.

I was thinking about traffic. About how it's not acting according to plan lately. That's the whole concept with this national problem thing. It's not going according to plan since it'snot a mechanical thing... it's a bitch run by people...

Maybe I'm just being indifferent. It's not that I don't care. I just know when I should fight and when I should let it slide.

At some point, I wanted to be a pilot. Then I wanted to be a singer...

Then I attended this one election campaign when I was a kid. I got free Zestos from the very hands of our current president. She was running for Senator then. She smelled good... literally and otherwise. Her husband danced with her on stage and the people loved her. At that point, no one found anything wrong with her. I just wonder why suddenly she's the most hated person in the country.

At that point I wanted to be like her. I wanted to change the world. Naivete.

Highschool, I stopped caring. Screw politics... That sentiment's true up until now.

College, I realized that to change the system, you have to be in the system. I started in the ultimate field of strategizing: math. Then to understand the lifeblood of the country, economics. Still... screw politics... I don't care. Now it's the law.

In the first few hours of the morning I realized what I wanted to be. I don't want to be the helpless guy fighting for his rights in the streets. It's seldom that he gets what he wants. I don't want to be part of the over-estimated head that is constantly torn between service and self-service... between cracking the whip and pleasing the nation.

I want to be the middle-man. It's my gift. That's where I'll use it.

Shet

2008-12-15T12:15:00.000-08:00

Wah! Feeling ko hindi pantay mata ko...
Damn fever...
Damn cough...
I hate unproductive days...

Nagkakamot ng Ulo

2008-12-13T23:35:00.000-08:00

Kanina ko pa sinusubukan magaral... Awa ng dyos nakakalahati na ako libro... hahaha!!! hindi ko pa nauumpisahan yung mga kaso... baka bukas nalang...

Narewrite ko na yung admin book ko... Guess what? half a book is equal to 20 pages worth of substance... Andaming paulit ulit... nakakahilo talaga... Mas gusto ko yung codal then commentary...

If I die before the week ends... you know who to blame...

A Few Moments...

2008-12-12T18:06:00.000-08:00

Forgive these few moments...

For the past few weeks, I found studying easier despite the longer transpo time. Of course I'm anticipating Christmas: I'm leisurely studying... sleep for 2 hours... read for half an hour... hang out for 5 (hours)... Helps my head relax... 30 mins of reading = 1st sem 2 hours of crying...

By the way... I heard a joke from our dean... enumerating parties, he goes: Juana, Tuna, Trina, Fourna and Fivena. It honestly inspired me to finish and master the Corp topics so I can meet the jokes at his level. Para hindi corny recit ko... diba? hahaha!

Tapos I tried RPM pala kanina... Sarap... pero sana mas gwapo yung instructor... para may motivation...

Howell... Aral Mode na...

WEEBOY IPOD!!!

2008-12-07T14:55:00.000-08:00

I'm collating the files from the two ipods. I'm in looove! Thank you Dave!
I'm adoring the new Ipod Classic... aside from the files na 80% ata na galing sakin... parang brand new...

Kea lang... napapagod akong magcollate... hahaha!!! 3 hours na invested time ko dito.. hahaha!!!
Asa Q na ako... hahaha!!!

Thank you talaga dave!!! :)) heehee!!!

Hot Accountant or Delicious Deli Boy?

2008-12-05T05:04:00.000-08:00

Hot Accountant... No... Deli Boy... No... Hot Accountant...

Sorry... watching Ugly Betty... It's Saturday morning... Nice to do something brainless for a change... neh?

Sooooo....

Hot Accountant Henry... NO! Deli Boy Gio! NO NO NO NO!!! Hot Accountant Henry...

Things I Learned from having Hiccups

2008-12-02T02:24:00.000-08:00

A friend taught me how to counter hiccups. Press your fingers against that area under your lowermost ribs.

It worked for a while.

But now it's not... just like everything else with that friend.

Maybe I have to do it standing up.... nope... Still there... see? Sigh... It's a wonder how everything I am reacts to everything that's around me... Oh no... wait... I'm human... that's normal...

But this current wallowing... although not wallowing wallowing with the matching tears... just that occasional mood-swing kind of wallowing with the matching pouting and the I-can't-concentrate-on-my-readings tantrum... where was I? Oh... yes... This current wallowing is causing a supposed age-old hiccup cure to NOT WORK... Sorry whoever invented this but I just disproved your theory. Maybe it's psychology... Touch your toes and the sky will fall... or some queer cause and effect thingie...

Fuckit... I think I've just worsened my hiccuppy problems... DAMN YOUUU!

Wait.... I'll try my handstands... Handstanding TOTALLY doesn't work...

WHAT EFFIN DOES?!

Distraction: I'm trying to read Tanda v. Angara... It's amazing how I have SUCH a crappy memory... I've read this AT LEAST 5 times before and I KEEP FORGETTING... I better watch Ugly Betty again... makes this wallowing hot piece of ass feel goood...

Sarap ng Weekend

2008-12-01T11:34:00.000-08:00

Ewan... sarap lang ng weekend... Although for most part, nanuod lang ako ng series.

The things I do to relax. Naisip ko lang itong fact na 'to: I'm wasting a lot of resources without achieving anything... except a diploma and a shot at the bar. But in the long run, I'm not learning anything but the basics. Makes me wonder if I should even care.

Plus... I can't stop smoking... Which is bad... really bad... PLUS... I have to go run now... class... complicated...

Resolution... btw... will schedule 'meetings' properly so I won't have to forget anything and anyone...

It's all downhill from here Captain!

2008-11-29T02:39:00.000-08:00

Kakapanuod ko palang ng twilight with bestpreyn Dave... Personal apologies to him... hindi ko talaga kayang magbura ng pictures... kahit pangit yung shot... may natatandaan parin ako so hindi ko parin sya binubura... at oc oc ako... hahaha!!!

Napanuod narin namin (sa wakas) ang twilight... Natuwa naman ako... Pero na-turn off lang ako sa nabasa ko regarding midnight sun from Stephenie Meyer. A violation of her right as human? Hmmm... Modernistic approach... I don't blame her though. With all the money she supposed to get from that... who can blame her?

The same goes with the US Supreme Court case regarding the RIAA and the all-powerful concept of copyright... Authorship.

One point though: reality bites. The whole purpose of the net is to destroy such boundaries. See how capitalism is slowly eating the free-world. The net is the basic playground of communism... in its purest aspect: "Nothing's mine..."

I thought art, poetry and music is for everyone? If you want to maintain ownership over the story, why do you even put it out on paper? Isn't it enough that even if something is pirated, you name is still attached with the work? Of course not... It's the money. Can't sell if it can be taken free, right?

Well... isn't the revenues from the movie goers for the first movie enough? We enjoyed the story... we enjoyed the movie... we bought the overpriced books and overpriced tickets... what's the harm in reading an unfinished 5th book... which the fans would still buy when it's done?

ewan ko lang... naturn-off lang ako...

Pero crush ko parin si Pattison...

Trigger Happy

2008-11-28T03:04:00.000-08:00

Sigh... Narealize ko kanina ang wisdom ni kuya Ivan: wag akong bigyan ng baril dahil mainitin ang ulo ko... Tama naman... Medyo nabad trip ako nung hapon pero I think it's my own doing din naman... Although tamang maki-ride, there has to be a certain limit to it... hindi KJ, hindi rin slut.

Pero buti nalang gumanda ang araw ko towards the end... Kasama ko yung blockmates ko... kumain kami ng puro curry... (kea kinakabag na ako... yuuuck) Tapos sinubukan namin manuod ng Twilight... ay goodluck naman... Ang haba ng pila... kea I don't think makakanuod din kami ni DEN bukas (since mag-o-oplan den-renovation na sya)... Pero ofcourse susubukan... kahit na .5% chance lang... papatusiiin... basta twilight...

May isang makabuluhang pagmumunimuni pala ako kanina... habang nagrereckless drive pauwi: Ang konsepto ng pagiging padalosdalos. Yun kasi yung problema kanina... padalosdalos ako sa pagtiwala. Dapat may itago din ako... manahimik ng minsan at makiramdam... Nakakalimutan kong huminga muna bago bumira.

Kaya akala siguro nila, okay ako sa ganung klaseng biro. Okay lang naman talaga... may mga mas malala pang stuff na nangyari nun (I miss you bugs and mors!)...

Marunong naman ako sa mga ganung deals... pumepreno lang ako pag ako na yung mangaalaska... Masyado na akong maraming nakaaway sa ganun... Medyo matalas din dila ko kaya minsan tumatawa nalang ako tapos umaalis... (natutunan ko from wamar: "hahahaha! guys... magwa-walk out na ako ha!")

At eversince pumasok ako sa Azeus, nasanay ako sa mild na biro. And ayaw ko din magstart ng away so sakto lang... Pero tingin ko masyado na akong nagsoften... Yun yung pagkakamali ko... Hindi ko na uumpisahan kung hindi ko tatapusin. Hahaha!!! Pero all's well... actually... ang weird ko din kanina... must be post menstrual syndrome... or panic attack due to lack of yo.

Siguro, kelangan ko ng practice. Pero pasensyahan nalang din... :))

Tsonggong Hikain

2008-11-27T12:07:00.000-08:00

Ayun... natandaan ko na kung bakit tawa ako ng tawa nung Sabado! Kumakanta sila ng Voltes V tapos andaming siningit na lines dun na hindi naman Japanese... Parang mga sablay lyrics of a kid with the finale: 'TSONGGONG HIKAIN!' Double check nyo pa sa magic sing... hahahaha!!!

Anyway... Sablay recit ako this week... Masaklap... Pero I think that's fine. I don't have bad feelings about it.

Kagabi pala! We went to Kai's condo... I LOVE THE POOL... parang candy pool... ewan... It was dark and the lights were green and blue. Tapos anlamig... hahaha!!! The guys just sat there... awww... wawa naman... Pero I want to go back there every week... Kea lang ansakit sa lungs. The main reason I couldn't swim is that masakit huminga...

Anu pa ba? Start na ng weekend ko ngayon... GUSTO KO NA MANUOD NG TWILIGHT! shit youuuu... Ima be lusting after Edward Cullen... I know I know... mababaw... pero... pero... epitome of a perfect boyfriend parin... hahahahahahahahaha!!!! ahluvheet.

Ano pa ba? Malapit nanaman ang christmas! Eto pala yung delikadong time ng year. Kasi regaluhan nanaman. I have to learn how to budget... the worst part is, I can't just give gifts... may mga 'friends' na hindi pwedeng bigyan dahil baka may misinterpretation again... (shiet) So, im gonna confine myself to the safe ones. (sigh)

Three days. Hindi ko parin ubos yung cheetos ko... hahahahahaha!!! nakakainis....

WAH! Kumain pala ako ng KK kahapon! So check... next Xmas na yung susunod... :))

Xtra Weird Pre-Birthday Happenings

2008-11-23T02:59:00.000-08:00

As usual, the festivities stretched out across the weekend... As of now, I'm still officially 21... until 4 am today, at least.

Day 1 was spent with friends. Thank you to those who made it. It was fun... Aside from one small detail by which I discovered by accident, everything went perfectly well...

Mors, Bugs, Mark Lagz, Richmond,
Chloe (and her baby... that makes two!), Fronkey, Mel, Jek, Teng, Manny, Wamar, JP, Jess
Magic, James, Maui, Mike, Jem, Vlad, Jon, Diane, Pat, Ayleen.

Thank You so much guys. Thank you. :)) And thanks for the gifts. Every single one of them is perfect... :))

Point though: I received a lot of cosmetics and perfumes and lotions... Do you have any idea how long I've waited for that? It's like the much awaited evidence that the world finally classified me as a female... hahahaha!!! (sabi ni mama... at least daw hindi na ako binibigyan ng teenage mutant ninja turtles na shuriken gun).

Note to self, next time, I have to buy 5 bottles of teq. Hindi narin pala ako marunong uminom... Gewang din ako... I personally thought I scared the shit out of my parents... buti nalang hindi highblood yung dad ko... hahaha!!! pero it was cool naman in the end. Ganun naman ako everytime nagpapainom ako eh... gewang... hahaha!!!

Day 2 was spent with family. It was a small happy reunion. Started from 12 nn today until past 8.

Sad though my dad had to eat the tapioca that I made... I'll NEVER cook that in the house again. It will be solely made to be given as a gift to people who don't have problems with their glucose levels. I'll also REVAMP my famous recipe... skim milk and splenda ONLY... Ayaw kasing tigilan...

I just came in from the hospital. My dad felt dizzy after our relatives came home. He didn't eat fatty foods though. He just ate two servings of the tapioca. He had a check up. Everything was normal except for the blood sugar count... Grrrr... I hate myself.

Medyo natakot ako kanina... Kasi ako lang may karapatan magkasakit samin eh... He's still in the hospital but I had to go home muna... At least it's not as bad as we thought it was... Pero I think kahit mapagalitan kami, we have to put our foot down with regard to the sugar intake.

tsk tsk tsk...

isang araw nalang... sabado nanaman...

2008-11-20T02:36:00.000-08:00

ISANG ARAW NALANG!!!
Tangina... parang never-ending story mehn...
Parang may internal clock na ako na nagsasabi na kung ilang araw nalang to restday Saberday...

It's been a weird week...
Parang hindi ako yung sarili ko...
I often find myself wandering around the school alone...
And for once I'm enjoying it...
Complete and utter freedom...

The Longest 1.5 Week of my life!

2008-11-19T01:29:00.000-08:00

So far so good
Hindi pa ako nabibinyagan sa recits
Crush spotting count: 6

Mahirap... Last week and this week... mahirap...
Pero since last Monday... parang mas nabuhayan ako...
Last sem was all about giving all this up...
Ngayon... parang okay na ulit...
I found a reason na ulit...

"Yes we should like to see
You pack your tents shut down your show
And we should like to see
A burning-bush type sign
But anything would be fine

Fight 'til your fists bleed baby
Beat the fate walls enclosing you, maybe
God will unlock the door you need to walk through..."
-- Sixpence None The Richer...

Bad Luck Come in 3's

2008-11-17T00:28:00.000-08:00

Jinx si Patrick!!!
Grabeh...
1.) I forgot my ID (which I reported as LOST para may backup ID na ako)
2.) Natapon yung baon ko sa bag ko
3.) Natanggal yung diamond ng singsing ko

PERO... Hindi ako natawag... From the list that came out kanina sa Admin, the cards were shuffled twice. It started with Roy... That part of the class list goes as follows: Roy, Tammy, then Me. Then I realized that the roll went backwards. Jem Zoreta was the last one to be called. If that went on, that will be, Wisco, Viray, Villarin, Villalon, UY.

So call me lucky... hindi pa ako nabibinyagan ngayong sem na 'to... hahahaha!!!

Pero I don't feel so lucky na bukas... (magaaral na po)

Hell Week... A New Look at SLEEPING

2008-11-14T04:13:00.000-08:00

At the start of the sem? And they said it doesn't snow in the Philippines. Geez those ditzzzz...

Lemme see... You get to a point where if no one feeds you, you don't eat... Your alarm's purpose is not just to wake you but also remind you to go to sleep... As Confucius says: "This week is like the water flowing... from a high pressure chamber towards you..." Well, it definitely took me by surprise... One moment, I was peacefully taking a swim, the next, I was driving home at 80kph just to get the list of required readings for taxation (5 pages worth of cases... a confession... I just read around 6 of those cases...)

The day after that, we had CivPro (18 cases, 55 pages of commentary) and Corp (5 pages and 4 cases) and Admin (6 cases and 50+ pages of commentary) --> I get out of class at 6, I'm at home at around 9 (worst case scenario... 'coding ako pag Wednesdays'... as a bastardized song goes)... I get out of the house the morning after at 10... I have 13 hours in between... COMPUTE the hours if I have to eat dinner, shower, SLEEP...

'Sleeping, in lawschool, is a luxury'. No truer words were ever said in the history of mankind. If they didn't serve me food last Thursday, I wouldn't have eaten... And I only ate soup... Then I ate a lot of stuff yesterday because my fork would just mechanically pick whatever is within armslength and put it in my mouth... so yes, I think I ate raw onions (which were supposed to be for cooking... not serving)... oatmeal (my brother's)... remnants of what was once a pancake (I think)... And the carrot remnants of what was once curry... (I think...)

I have reduced my eating time to 0 mins... since I realized I can do it concurrently with reading... I just have to tell my mom to regulate my food for me... 0 mins for taking a dump (also concurrent with reading commentaries...) approx 7 mins for showering, 3 mins for taking my shirt off and drying my hair... 13-15 mins of dressing up... 5 mins to put my makeup on... I have limited each yosi stick to mere 4 mins instead of the usual 5... saves up to 10 mins of my time... My sleeping hours (this I can't decrease anymore... what's the point of reading when you can't answer in class due to lack of sleep?) is limited to 6.5 hours (.5 leeway for collecting my brain)

Now I want lamok to read this... tell me if this is a valid way of life for a human being... I can't help but feel like my human rights are being violated... Don't humans have a right to peaceful sleep?

Lilet Quotes

2008-11-06T16:28:00.000-08:00

Mga sablay quotes ng yaya namin... hahahahaha!!! Go Ate Lilet!

Ako: Ate, gusto ko ng hipon at toyomansi
Lilet: Anong toyo mo? Aluminos? (baka liquid aminos!)

Lilet: Gusto ko nyang TSUNAMI

Lilet: Kuya, old of istack na raw sila! (baka out of stock?)

T'was a Good Sembreak

2008-11-06T02:04:00.000-08:00

Medyo natatakot nga ako sa bagong schedule... Eto, panigurado na ako na wala na akong buhay... As in wala na... tanghali hanggang gabi... straight... So I think I need to use my weekends to study first pass... Kasi there's simply no way to do 3 subjects in one night... say makaui ka ng 9, then you have to be in school by 12 nn the next day... That's just 15 hours. Minus 2 hours for preparation (ligo, lunch, bfast, dinner)... 4 hours travel time... so I'm down to 9 hours... I have to get 7 hours of sleep... (ow shit... are you for real?) 2 hours to study for 3 subjects? You have to be kidding...

Resolution:
Eat faster...
Shower faster...
Drive faster...
Read faster...

So unang pasada would have to be sceduled on weekends... By then dapat nabasa ko na lahat ng dapat basahin para notes nalang during those 2 hours.

Gets ko na kung bakit sabi nila... sana 27 hours a day nalang...
sigh...

Sana hindi naman mabigat sa cases this year... Or at least we won't be treated like first years. I never get the details pag nagbabasa ako... Basta parties, pertinent facts then PERTINENT issue lang ako lagi... If there are other issues, I just note the conclusion IF it is connected with the pertinent issue... Diba dapat ganun lang?

Sigh...

Tapos andami pang lumipat ng class... (pangit kayong lahat... belat!)

Sabagay, can't blame them. When I got the schedule kanina, nakakshock naman talaga... Ako man, based on the sched, parang gusto ko rin magbackout...

Pero IF I survive this sem, I think I won't regret it kasi maganda yung line-up ng profs. Sa profs nalang ako magrerely... bahala na talaga sa sked...

Of course hindi sila easy-A (ako pa! Magnet ako ng mahirap) pero at least I can boast na naging teacher ko sila IF I become a lawyer... IF... ang saya eh... High profile sila lahat... heehee...

Anyway...

Narealize ko na wala akong alam na sa current events... When I took up the paper this morning, parang nashoshock nalang ako... Nagwoworkout ako kahapon then nakita ko nalang (without sound) na nanalo na si Obama... Tapos meron palang 1st year kami na nadisgrasya... Tapos recession sa US... tapos may thingie nanaman si Jocjoc (anu ba? ang kulit nun)... Tapos wala na akong kilalang player sa WPT. Anak ng tinapa yan... Buti nalang hindi parin nagiiba ang wowowee at eat bulaga... ganun parin since bata ako...

Pero this sem had been the best sembreak so far. Medyo nagapply yung konsepto ng "masarap matulog pag pagod..."

Isang buong sem akong burnt out... kea nung nagvacation, parang hindi ako nagsawa... Which is good. I haven't had that feeling since I was a kid. Kasi, after a while, you get tired of not doing anything, diba? Parang nasasabaw yung utak mo... Pero this sembreak... wala ata akong ganung feeling. I savored each moment.

Plus, hindi ako nadepress... Aside from the normal depression stuff... like... stuff I can't mention... walang emotional baggage na macacarry over sa 2nd sem. Sarap... Chillax lang... Kahit asa bahay... watching series...

Sana ganito nalang lahat ng breaks...

Howell... in 3 days time... nakapagrecharge na ako... so GAME! BRING IT ON!

SLR! SLR! The Beginning

2008-11-04T02:52:00.000-08:00

It's here... as in in my hands!
I love it! I adore it! It's my second most favorite toy in the world! second to my tablet!

Btw, here are the photos of my two bestest friends in the world:

D60:

And my Neo Tablet:

Teka... nanggigigil pa ako... I want to fully charge my batt before going to sleep...

~o~o~o~o~Serious stuff~o~o~o~o~

My grades are hardly deserving...
I know...
(But shit I did my effin' best!)
Bahala na as always...
I haven't been trying hard enough...
Or should I say I haven't been wanting enough.
I was depressed after getting my grades but I can't complain.
I burnt myself out...
Now I know what to do. :))

Good impression
Balance
*Inspiration --> still working on this...

Random Ramblings...

2008-11-02T23:14:00.000-08:00

Still watching bishounen-kingdom...
este... La Corda D'Oro...
Typing in between episodes...
Hearts!
You see men (anime guys included) play the violin
or the piano
(or saxophone even though there are no saxophone players here).
The next normal thing to do for women is to sigh and be swept from their feet.

I was having dinner with one of my bestfriends last night.
We talked about the concept of not telling the truth.
There are times when you want to say something but can't but your subsequent actions betray you.
Well... I have no point really except that outside the table,
I can't lie.
I'm such a terrible liar...
So is my mom.
I have no point... I'm just rambling...
I was a good liar...
except now, my subconscious is terribly polluted that I keep slipping up.
Cluttered... That's me...
The best I can do now is feign ignorance and forgetfulness...
Although I'm really forgetful...
I don't have a point...
huhuhu...
I don't want to go back to schoooooool!
I miss my classmates though.
I'll miss people in particular.
I wonder if it's going to be the same...
Ben said at least I can concentrate... (snicker)...
I guess that's one good point to it.
Sometimes, I just want to quit everything...
But I can't...
I have to keep smiling! :)

Watching... Waiting...

2008-11-02T14:44:00.000-08:00

Went to 168 with the usual agenda... DVDs!

Been watching this sureal horror-slash-comedy thing Shiori to Shimiko no something something. Imgine me saturating my brain with that until 2 am then trying to sleep. Result: Weird, inexplicable dreams...

So then I decided to saturate my brain with something else: La Corda D'Oro Primo Passo. It's another spinoff of the one-girl-multiple-men-fighting-over-her story. Lessee... Fushigi Yuugi, La Corda D'oro, Ouran... Okay okay... I'm watching bad material... But... ewan... nevermind...

Sige... balik na ako sa panunuod... ja!

SLR! SLR! part II

2008-10-31T04:37:00.000-07:00

My love had crossed the ocean... One step closer into my arms.
We are stepping on the same soil...

Come to me, my sweet!

All You Need to Know... You Learn in Gambling

2008-10-31T03:54:00.000-07:00

Bless my old soul. I'm out of aces, so to speak. I close my eyes and fold this hand out... Prepare myself for the next round... playing for keeps.

The Gambler
Kenny Rogers

On a warm summers evenin on a train bound for nowhere,
I met up with the gambler; we were both too tired to sleep.
So we took turns a starin out the window at the darkness
til boredom overtook us, and he began to speak.

He said, son, Ive made a life out of readin peoples faces,
And knowin what their cards were by the way they held their eyes.
So if you dont mind my sayin, I can see youre out of aces.
For a taste of your whiskey Ill give you some advice.

So I handed him my bottle and he drank down my last swallow.
Then he bummed a cigarette and asked me for a light.
And the night got deathly quiet, and his face lost all expression.
Said, if youre gonna play the game, boy, ya gotta learn to play it right.

You got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.
You never count your money when youre sittin at the table.
Therell be time enough for countin when the dealins done.

Now evry gambler knows that the secret to survivin
Is knowin what to throw away and knowing what to keep.
cause evry hands a winner and evry hands a loser,
And the best that you can hope for is to die in your sleep.

So when hed finished speakin, he turned back towards the window,
Crushed out his cigarette and faded off to sleep.
And somewhere in the darkness the gambler, he broke even.
But in his final words I found an ace that I could keep.

You got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.
You never count your money when youre sittin at the table.
Therell be time enough for countin when the dealins done.

You got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.
You never count you r money when youre sittin at the table.
Therell be time enough for countin when the dealins done.

Maki was a Success!

2008-10-28T22:15:00.000-07:00

Chinese maki... not Japanese maki... Not sure how to spell that though...
Broth (your pick), vinegar, soysauce... if you prefer, black vinegar (AKA BALSAMIC VINEGAR... geez... ang hirap hanapin... balsamic lang pala ang letse), meat and eggs... YUM!!! (hearts!)

And i love my new hair... :)) The weird thing is, if I don't put on my earrings and my headband, I look like a guy... heehee... pero I like it when I mess it up... heehee... brings out the sculptor in me... :P

I need to go take off again at 7... wahh... I need to kill time...

I NEED A NEW BOOK! someone please recommend me a new book... :)) preferably one where I don't get to think a lot...

Joshua Abraham Norton: Emperor of the United States of America

2008-10-27T04:34:00.000-07:00

I'm reading the Sandman again, this time, I'm looking deeper into the stories. I can be quite obsessive if I want to.

One of the stories involved the actual, first and last Emperor of the United States of America. Check him out here. His name is Joshua Abraham Norton. Apparently, he declared himself the Emperor of US and the people in San Francisco accepted him.

The story in the Sandman goes like this: Desire, Despair and Delirium challenged Dream to a game. Norton was on the brink of suicide. Of course, that would make him fall into the realm of Despair. Dream gave him a dream: to become an emperor. Everyone thought he was a madman but Delirium can't seem to place her hands on him. Desire challenged him, offered him women and castles and an actual empire or something... but he turned them down. He was not Mad, neither was he Wanting. He died without coming back into the arms of despair. It's really quite a story really... how to live in dreams without falling into the hands of the three youngest of the Endless...

Btw, I got a new haircut. I'm afraid you'd have to bear with my crazy hair for a while... Unless I decide to keep it.

Admiration Turned Hysteria

2008-10-25T20:21:00.000-07:00

Robert Pattison is Cedric Diggory?
Interesting...
The movie will be showing on November 21... It'll be my gift to myself to watch this one...
He was born in May 13, 1986
Interesting...
I also downloaded some of the OST tracks... sent chills down my spine though...
The inevitable has come... Twilight got me...

Waiting for Gossip Girl to Load

2008-10-24T01:31:00.000-07:00

This has to be the best vacation ever... Of course I had the most exhilirating moments... like the mid-October beach outing and the lunch at Abandonada (snicker) and the cooking spree and the much awaited no-sword-hanging-over-my-head movie day with bestfriend Dave... But even though I just sit at home reading novels and lying on the bed all day, I don't feel an ounce of guilt. The doctor, by the way, dissuaded my mom from removing my FF membership... So that gives me something to be gleeful about... I will be back in shape in no time!

I'm strangely happy and contented lately... Alone-phobia gone... As a matter of fact, I'm beginning to revel in the rare alone-times I get.

My head is still spinning from reading... or NOT reading the Isle Esme exploits of my favorite hero and no so favorite damsel in distress... WHO CAN'T SEEM TO STOP BEING IN DISTRESS...

I know now why the story clicks... It's the story that keeps simmering in girls' heads during daydreams... the kind they'd be embarrassed to write about... or even if they did, they would DARE NOT append their names as authors... ahahahaha!!!

You have to understand that if you're a third person in the story, you'd be absotively and possolutely irritated with Bella... But then, who among us have not imagined ourselves to be helpless little creatures, clumsy enough that two HOT supernatural males aren't enough to keep us out of trouble? I used to imagine myself in a dark alley being mugged... Af course if no white knight would appear, then it'd be easy to grab something and start whacking at people who even DARED to think of touching my stuff... But then again if there's a hot, single guy who's willing to help... would it be so bad to scream for help and sob helplessly on his chest when it's all over...

Of course I would be dead insulted if everytime I get out the car, someone would have to help me out... or everytime I talk, someone would have his arms protectively wrapped around my waist (count how many times those images were used in the book)... I do have the capability of walking without a human crutch, thank you...

But someone who'd sing you off to sleep every night while you cuddle in his arms... hmmm... That is one thing I can live with... forEVER.

Where am i?

Oh yeah... I was waiting for the downloads!

Not yet... Okay...

So we move on... I can't stop raving about this one... It's still brainless, I know... Crudely put together story... I can't say she did it with a flourish though... I still say she concentrated well into her daydreams, put names on the characters, put it down on paper and voila... Believe me... I have these kinds of kilig stories lying around here... PLUS... my stories DON'T LEAVE OUT DETAILS...

Don't get me wrong though... about what I said earlier... I only have a small set of elements that I am scared of... that's why my brain compensated and made me scared at a higher magnitude... Of course I have a thousand little fears on the emotional side... but I have GREAT fear for
1.) Thunder
2.) Cockroches
3.) Ocean Floor... (I look but I don't touch) That was a pretty... uhm... scary thing when magic started pickin on the smll little poisonous looking fish... while sometimes stepping on the rocks...
4.) The Dark (occassionally... when I'm paranoid with ghosts and the scary tooth fairy of the dark... but if it's romantic or pensive dark... I usually don't mind...)

I don't want to banter anymore...
I need a new book...
I need someone to take me out on October 30th! Preferably classmates... so we don't wait in suspense at home... alone... for that one little anouncement that could change our entire lives!!!

SLR! SLR!

2008-10-23T18:18:00.000-07:00

I'm sooo happy!
I can feel it crossing the ocean for me right now...
Calling my name from a distance...

Come to me my sweet!

Twilight

2008-10-20T02:30:00.000-07:00

I CONCEDE! I CONCEDE!!!

1.) Stephenie Meyer's Vain
2.) The story is waaaaay too cheezy... WAAAAAY...
3.) Irregardless... EDWARD IS HOTNESS! whoot!

Racing Through the Roads and Diving Into Freedom

2008-10-19T22:55:00.000-07:00

I still haven't gotten over the trip. Honestly speaking, it was the best thing that ever happened to me since... well... my version of Edward... and that was one and a half years ago.

Like a two year old cold had left me... I was able to hear and see alertly...

That was the firt time I drove out of the city alone... Well of course there was that time when we went to Paranaque to go Karting... but then again, borderline Quezon can't beat that, neh?

Karen showed us places... Including Qubo sa Quiloquilo... hahahahaha!!! I love iiiit! Magic and Ben kept bringing up their versions of age old traveling games. That was the first time I played travelling games though. Well, I couldn't play that with my parents and brother when we go out of town... I was an anti-social when I was in gradeschool... I was still an anti-social in highschool... During the Tagatay outing, which was OFFICIALLY the first no-authority outing I had, I was jammed at the back of Manny's car, IN THE MIDDLE... so you'd expect me to be slightly woozy.

La Luz holds something for me. I have to admit that in terms of places, I have seen better resorts... but somehow, that place was... no no... not memorable... a timemark... In that place, I overcame the two greatest fears of my life: the sea and sad goodbyes.

Magic and I found this fish that I think is poisonous... I distinctly remember it because it was featured in The Thornberrys in Nickelodeon... That guy kept throwing rocks at it. Of course I was scared... I would be the one driving my ass to the city if one of us gets stung by it but after a while, I joined in the fish torture... Well... It won't move though... I thought at first it was a dead seaweed... then it moved... Mag thought it was safe so I joined in the fun (evil fish torturer)... And as if that wasn't enough, he was also quarelling with the monkey.

Me: Here, monkey monkey... you're sooo cute...
It made his way to me. Nagpapacute pa...
Magic: Mukhang mabait lang yan! (to the monkey) I know what you are! I saw you in National Geographic!
The monkey made a mean face at him as if he was going to bite Mag... hahahaha!!! poor monkey...

We had our massage that night... Jem, Me, Ben and Mag... First time nina Ben and Jem... heehee... Nakatulog sila... Jem and I wanted to sneak in the boys' Cabana but UNFORTUNATELY, Bentots was awake... hahahaha!!! Grabeh and sexy ni Ben... exage!

Oh and before that, we climbed the boulders at the right side of Laluz... We found this house on top of a cliff and stairways, I think, that leads up to that house... Well, the stairs, I have to admit... was pretty creepy... So we climbed the rocks anyway... It was so fun! LIke I was on top of the world... ONLY when I sat down, I couldn't stand up anymore... I was scared that I'd get light headed and fall off... I have to admit, I'm also scared of climbing down certain heights... I was fine as long as I was in a car, driv up a mountain, perch somewhere and look down... I didn't panic from that... It was the thought of slipping down boulders and hitting my head that scares me... Although with Jon there, I was able to climb down without a crack in my skull.

I stalked off for a while at the beach... I was planning to sleep there... where I slept the last time... I was writing in my journal again, of course, pondering... Until they called me back... TO PLAY POKER... it's been a long time! Ben was the game master, of course... Si Jon, namimigay ng chips. I realized that, for the life of me, I wouldn't win against them. I realized that it's harder to play with beginners that with pros. With the pros, you would, more or less, know what cards they are playing... More often than not, you are left only with the few class cards. But with beginners, there's a variety of cards they can bet on. It's harder, it's more challenging... and hell yeah, it's a lot more fun...

Why I kept being a dealer is another story... for another blog... Let's just say, I was distracted... HAPPILY distracted... heehee... I was concentrating on something else. hahahahahahahaha! KIDDING! Karen ate a lot... tapos kinabag... Hahahaha!!!

What else? What else? AH YES! WHO STARTED THE GHOST STORIES? The original plan was that we'll get drunk... or something... THEN SOMEONE STARTED THE GHOST STORIES! Jon was telling this story of the frantically running body with the calm nun's face... and the praying body with the frantic running face. He also told the story of the black elementals in a particular GK site. AND THAT ELEMENTAL in a room that wanted them to be quiet... When we started screaming, Jem said, someone might get angry... Although she meant the admin... I pictured black elementals and disembodied spirits shaking their heads in the wash area... I was sleeping at the edge of the bed (and I can't sleep at the ege of the bed... so I kept pushing Jem to the other side... Ben fell off the bed in the process... HARHARHARHARHAR!

Jon warned us that he snored loudly... He slept on the pull out bed at my right... but for some reason, the LOUD snoring came from my left... hahahahahahahaha!!! I will shut up now...

We woke up early the next morning to swim again... Note to self: next time, wear aqua shoes... Another note to self: They are selling aqua shoes in the office! Like the last time, I spent the last hours trying to get a tan at the raft... Mag pointed out two fishes (that looked like angel fishies) hovering around the ladder up the raft... AND FOR SOME REASON, MAG WAS SO FASCINATED WITH THE BLUE MINNOWS... ewan ko kung bakit... I loved the flounders though... Weird looking fishies with their eyes on their noses...

For the first time too, I wasn't sad with the leaving part... Because we were off to Karen's Qubo... which is, again, I reiterate, NOTHING like a kubo except that it was made of wood... It was sooo huge! And sooo cooool! Her family was there... and Harry... and LOTS OF FOOOD! Grabeeeh... We had pansit and tuna alapobre and grilled giant squid and grilled porkchops! Sarap ng lunch.

We had a Magic Sing showdown... Hahahahaha!!! Si BEn talaga... he can make me swoon with his songs... :)) Then we played poker then Bullshit... Si Jem, hindi DAW nagbbluff... hahahahahahahahaha!!! huling huli! (sasabihin ni Jem: Ikaw din naman ah!) It was the lost years of highschool and college come back to make up for lost time... hahahaha!!! (Harry was stalking... he bit Jem pero towards the end, peace na sila ulit... hahahaha!!!)

We drove home... It was a long and pleasant drive. Although I felt tired, it was nothing like stress... it was more like excited tired... Happy tired... Speaking of that, I found the secret of overcoming the end of the day part: PROLONG THE DAY... We dropped Ben off ATC...

OH SPEAKING OF ATC! Sorry, I have to ramble... When we picked Ben up last Friday, Mag was saying: Alam ko na dito! Diretso lang! Diretso lang! HE FORGOT THE MAP JAMES GAVE HIM!!!

Guess what? WE GOT LOOOOST... Hahaha!!! But it was fun since it was early morning and no traffic enforcers were lurking about... When we dropped Ben off again, we got lost... AGAIN! Remember all those times I went to Alabang... NOT ONE TIME HAVE I GONE THERE AND NOT GET LOST! Note to self: Map out the place.

We EVENTULLY MADE IT OUT without a ticket... Thank God the traffic enforcers there are nice and decent... a rare breed, indeed... We drove around Metro Manila to drop people off... First Jem... (hmmm... I liked that drop off... alot... especially towards the end... when Jem pointed out something... heehee...) then Jon... then Mag...

The day didn't end exactly... but I was too tired to feel the negativity of endings... I was left only with the memory and the pictures of the event.

And although I know that some things will end come the next sem, I want to revel in this moment... As I said... I have two options... I can dampen my spirit everytime to keep a neutral numbness all throughout my life... OR... I can enjoy the moment, however it ends... at the expense of experiencing sadness at the end... It's better to have lived than to not have lived at all... :))

Stephenie Meyer's Twilight Bunch

2008-10-15T23:38:00.000-07:00

I spent a considerably huge amount of money yesterday to buy a set of books... you guessed it correctly. I need reviews though since I'm 51 pages into the first book and I can't seem to see YET what people are raving about?

I was expecting 20 something people... since we're talking about vampires... well... at least 1000 year old bunch of hot and sexy guys who look 20 something... instead, I find a bunch of... guess what? HIGHSCHOOLERS!

Well, okay... Chuck Bass started out in highschool and I STILL find him hot hot hot... but still... I can't help but feel that this is an Anne Rice wannabe. (I adore Anne Rice... believe me... expecially the Victorian flashbacks... I'm a sucker for frillies...)

sigh...

I've rereading my Sandman collection... I have to stop at the 28th ed since my head is reeling... Despite being a programmer, I still find it hard to look at the screen the whole day... It still fries my brain... Note, I don't look at the screen when I'm typing...

Well, it still feels good to read fiction. But at the back of my brain, I'm still waiting for the issue to CLICK... like a SALES or AGENCY issue's gonna pop up... Funny... there's this bit in Twilight where she uses the word: STIPULATED. I was elated for a fraction of a moment... then I realized... I DON'T WANT TO USE MY BRAIN... There was a time when I asked my mom why she didn't want to read... My uncle said that contrary to popular belief, she loved reading (she used to hit me on the head with a rolled up poster when I line up for the counter with 10 pocketbooks under my arm... in a vain attempt to hide it from her, of course... I would turn to my dad and beg him to buy me those stuff... and they seemed kind of amazed that I do that every other week...). She said (before I even entertained the idea of being in lawschool) "when I was in lawschool, I read a lot of things... I would finish 3 inches worth of material in a night... I don't want to see anything more than 2 millimeters worth of material for me to read..." I share now share her views...

It's the lack of imagination and the sense that I can't talk my brain anymore without being depressed that got me into reading AGAIN. Last summer, I realized I couldn't write a single story without scooping half my brain from my ears and squeezing them out on paper. All imagination had left me. If I had a muse way back when, she already killed herself out of frustration.

Speaking of imagination, I realized something in the Sandman, something quite negative, but bearable... There is this pattern of almost climax... but it doesn't quite reach it... then it dies down... example... I was waiting for an all out war against Lucifer and Morpheus... but... Lucifer decides to close down heaven.

HOWEVER... you just know at the back of your head that there is a reason for that. Like that really isn't the climax... I forgot the story already but I just know... Sandman would still send you reeling... each line is well thought of. Each character is well put together. I can't say the same for Neil Gaiman's other works... Somehow, every 5 frames, you'd stop and think...

There's also this sense of unity to the story... How do you say it? hmmm... of course I don't agree with every concept in it... and there are some parts where there are contradictory assumptions with other parts. For example, there's this bit with Hob Gadding where Morpheus seems to already KNOW the future... But somehow, there are times when he is in doubt as to what to do next... That's the concept of "I am the Cap't of my own ship" vs. "I'm reeling into what my brother wants me to do"

I'm also skeptic about Destiny... Of course the idea of his garden of forking paths is an age-old idea... It says there, roughly that when a person walks the gardens of Destiny, they are confronted with forked paths at every step... that is the idea of Free Will. At the end of a person's life, when they look back, there's only one path... when they look forward, there's only darkness... It jives with Lucifer's ranting... as to why people are blaming him like he sits around on people's shoulders the whole day trying to make them do things... When in fact, he doesn't... he doesn't need souls... why would he waste time buying it like in Faust? Then the bit about the Three Sisters in the Dastiny's garden seem to contradict the first idea... Destiny had to put something in play... Well, you'd know what I'm talking about if you read the comics.

At least this is way better than Heroes... Heroes, I think, is a confused piece of work... I enjoy watching it... brainlessly... but forgive me since contradictions stand out in my head almost unconciously. For example... Hiro can go back in time... when the Speedster stole the something from him... why didn't he just go back in time to warn his past self not to open the vault. PLUS... plus plus plus... He did go back in time before... People in that tory CONSTANTLY go back in time... Why wasn't there an issue with the butterfly effect?

Apparently, I have an issue with Destiny... I'll take in up with one of the Endless hahaha!!! as soon as my head stops reeling...

The good thing about reading the comics... is that I don't have to wait for issues to pop out... I'm working with the substance of the thing... not the form... But with twilight... hmmm... bunch of highschoolers... gimme something to finish these books!

BTW... if you have read on to this last part... I would like to have New Moon for my birthday... I can't seem to find it... all the reviews are on it... I can't help but think 1,3,4 are crappy stuff... :P

SA LAHAT NG SOMETHING NI BOB ONG... ETO NA ANG TARUKTOK NG LOHIKA!

2008-10-15T02:25:00.000-07:00

Mula Kay Bob Ong...

Message:

"Kung hindi mo mahal and isang tao, wag ka nang magpakita ng motibo para mahalin ka nya.." YES!

"Lahat naman ng tao sumeseryoso pag tinamaan ng pagmamahal. Yun nga lang, hindi lahat matibay para sa temptasyon."

"Gamitin ang puso para alagaan ang taong malapit sayo. Gamitin ang utak para alagaan ang sarili mo."

"Huwag mong bitawan ang bagay na hindi mo kayang makitang hawak ng iba." TAMAAAA!

"Huwag mong hawakan kung alam mong bibitawan mo lang." TINATAMAAN KA BA?!

"Huwag na huwag ka hahawak kapag alam mong may hawak ka na." AKO ANG TINATAMAAN

"Parang elevator lang yan eh, bakit mo pagsisiksikan ung sarili mo kung walang pwesto para sayo. Eh meron naman hagdan, ayaw mo lang pansinin." HAHAHAHA!!! OO NGA NAMAN!

"Kung maghihintay ka nang lalandi sayo, walang mangyayari sa buhay mo.. Dapat lumandi ka din." KEA NGA MALANDI NA AKO EH! ANO PA?! ANO PANG DAPAT KONG GAWIN?! MAGHUBAD SA KALSADA?!

"Pag may mahal ka at ayaw sayo, hayaan mo. Malay mo sa mga susunod na araw ayaw mo na din sa kanya, naunahan ka lang." HAHAHAHAHA!!! TAMA!!! ANAK NG RACING YAN!

"Hiwalayan na kung di ka na masaya. Walang gamot sa tanga kundi pagkukusa."

"Pag hindi ka mahal ng mahal mo wag ka magreklamo. Kasi may mga tao rin na di mo mahal pero mahal ka.. Kaya quits lang." wala kea... sige nga... sino?! baka mahal ko rin sila... ayaw ko lang umamin pa...

"Bakit ba ayaw matulog ng mga bata sa tanghali? alam ba nilang pag natuto silang umibig e hindi na sila makakatulog kahit gusto nila?" TAMA! KEA MGA BATA... enjoy while you caaan!

"Hindi lungkot o takot ang mahirap sa pag-iisa kundi ang pagtanggap na sa bilyon-bilyong tao sa mundo, wala man lang nakipaglaban upang makasama ka." --> SO TRUE

"Kung nagmahal ka ng taong di dapat at nasaktan ka, wag mong sisihin ang puso mo. Tumitibok lang yan para mag-supply ng dugo sa katawan mo. Ngayon, kung magaling ka sa anatomy at ang sisisihin mo naman ay ang hypothalamus mo na kumokontrol ng emotions mo, mali ka pa rin! Bakit? Utang na loob! Wag mong isisi sa body organs mo ang mga sama ng loob mo sa buhay! Tandaan mo: magiging masaya ka lang kung matututo kang tanggapin na hindi ang puso, utak, atay o bituka mo ang may kasalanan sa lahat ng nangyari sayo, kundi IKAW mismo!"

BUHAY (IN GENERAL)

"nalaman kong hindi final exam ang passing rate ng buhay. hindi ito multiple choice, identification, true or false, enumeration or fill-in-the- blanks na sinasagutan kundi essay na isinusulat araw-araw. Huhusgahan ito hindi base sa kung tama o mali ang sagot, kundi base sa kung may kabuluhan ang mga isinulat o wala. Allowed ang erasures."

"Kumain ka na ng siopao na may palamang pusa o maglakad sa bubog nang nakayapak, pero wag na wag kang susubok mag-drugs. Kung hindi mo kayang umiwas, humingi ka ng tulong sa mga magulang mo dahil alam nila kung saan ang mga murang supplier at hindi ka nila iisahan."

Mangarap ka at abutin mo. Wag mong sisihin ang sira mong pamilya, palpak mong syota, pilay mong tuta, o mga lumilipad na ipis. Kung may pagkukulang sa'yo mga magulang mo, pwde kang manisi at maging rebelde. Tumigil ka sa pag-aaral, mag-asawa ka, mag-drugs ka, magpakulay ka ng buhok sa kili-kili. Sa banding huli, ikaw din ang biktima. Rebeldeng walang napatunayan at bait sa sarili."

"Tuparin ang mga pangarap. Obligasyon mo yan sa sarili mo. Kung gusto mo mang kumain ng balde-baldeng lupa para malagay ka sa Guinness Book of World Records at maipagmalaki ng bansa natin, sige lang. Nosi balasi. wag mong pansinin ang sasabihin ng mga taong susubok humarang sa'yo. Kung hindi nagsumikap ang mga scientist noon, hindi pa rin tayo dapat nakatira sa jupiter ngayon. Pero hindi pa rin naman talaga tayo nakatira sa jupiter dahil nga hindi nagsumikap ang mga scientist noon. Kita mo yung moral lesson?"

"Nalaman kong habang lumalaki ka, maraming beses kang madadapa. Bumangon ka man ulit o hindi, magpapatuloy ang buhay, iikot ang mundo, at mauubos ang oras." so true...

***Para sa mga dinakakakilala kay Bob Ong, siya ay isang cool na author. The following are some samples of his works:

ABNKKBSNPL ako.

Bakit baligtad magbasa ang mga Pilipino

Stainless Longganisa

Alamat ng Gubat

Ang Paboritong Libro ni Hudas.

IT'S OVER!!!

2008-10-14T03:42:00.000-07:00

What now?

Such an empty Tuesday Night
No one's here.
To wake up to such an empty Wednesday morning...
A few hours out of the last level of hell and I'm bored...
And thinking...
And depressed...

Nothingness follows...

The Patience of an Accidental Murderer

2008-10-11T06:43:00.000-07:00

Apparently, everyone's streaming Heroes now. Either that or my connection's gone haywire again. Some of you might want to kill me right now... Crimpro on Monday and Sales on Tuesday... hit me on the head repeatedly with a metal pipe, throw my body of the cliff and spit at me: what a nerve! Believe me, it's not out of pride... rather, it's out of necessity. I can't believe that the burnout-bug has come this early into the game.

What happens during the burt out period:
1.) My head is on the constant state of being in motion... that is it is spinning!
2.) The natural consequence of which is I'm eternally irritable
3.) The uneasiness causes me to look for something to hold on to... usually manifesting in having a lot of 'inspirations'... If I don't get it, I get frustrated... I get irriTATING
4.) Eventually, my body's gonna give out... that is, according to the medical certificate... in a sense that I usually can't be located.
5.) After a short while... everything dies down...

All these 'breaks'... they're not really there to provoke imagination as to how things are done... That's how things are done... They keep me sane. So far, since the start of the sem, I tried to cutting down on breaks just to see how far I can go. A few months elapsed and, hella boy, I'm becoming a paranoid... yep... bona fide... (oh shit... erase erase... no... retype retype... gosta accept it to cure it) Rest assured, I won't be killing randomly anytime soon... I'll just be... ewan... spacing out... thinking...

I need a break...
Again...
Tatlong tulog nalang...

Somebody Else's Song

2008-10-08T01:55:00.000-07:00

I need the CLOCK to CLICK before I go hit the curb
And I need a good laugh...

RULES:
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
I can't believe my eyes -- Air Supply

2. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Wannabe -- Spice Girls

3. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Girl on TV -- LFO (WALA NAMAN TATAWA PLEASE?! OLD SCHOOL AKO!)

4. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Just a Love Song --Ian Bautista

5. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Standing in my way -- the gossip

6. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Ours -- Sugar Ray (hahahahaha!!! She was your woman but she is my girl... One on one, the queen of two worlds)

7. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Neverlost -- Smashing Pumpkins

8. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Oceano -- Josh Groban (makes sense though)

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BESTIE?
Halfway Home -- Jason Mraz

10. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
The American Dream -- Miss Saigon (Engineer oooh... hahahahaha!!!)

11. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
That boy Could Dance -- Weird Al

12. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Transformation -- Beauty and the Beast

13. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
How Far is Heaven -- BO Bice (hahahahahahahahahaha!!!)

14. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
One Friend -- Dan Seals (0.o)

15. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
LEaving on a Jetplane -- Eva Cassidy (NOOOOOO!!!)

16. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Are you that somebody? -- Aaliyah

17. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
What's My Age Again? -- Blink 182

18. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Everything's Magic-- Angels and Airwaves

19. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Big Girls Don't Cry -- Fergie

20. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Give a Little Bit -- Goo Goo Dolls

21. WHAT WILL BE THE SUBJECT WHEN YOU REPOST?
Somebody Else's Song -- Lifehouse

Creativity... NOT GOOD WHEN IT INVOLVES GRADES

2008-10-08T01:20:00.000-07:00

There was a time when I was in the position of the teacher: I only had one thing in mind... So was I... so you will be... But with that kind of take, so was I, the worse you'll be...

No one wants students flunking, right? Then why did I end up cramming 75% of the exam in the last 30 minutes of my existence in that darn room? (well...45 mins, including the extension...) I was ready to beg my ass off if I didn't get to the third question 10 mins before bell rings...

Kuy2: PUHLEEEEASE?! PUHLEEEEEEZZZ mister proctor sir! please please please? let me finish this!!!

Well, I had to know the story of the cheating cousin and DELASA UNIVERSITY's fight with TODAS... GEEEZ... Took me the whole 30 mins to finish reading the 11th question... my hands are trembling... I was about to cry... good thing I didn't though... But it was well fought... well fought, indeed... I found the solution to the trick: STICK WITH THE CODAL PROVISIONS... refer to cases ONLY IF there are loopholes in the codals.

Just a thought though, I spet a lot of wasted time reading cases when they are mere applciations of the provisions. I realized the other night... while I was trying to solve a volume problem in one of my randomly picked math books, that the best of minds are really not the ones who parrot solutions. They are the ones who can come up with answers using their own logic. Imagine... less than an hour after Property, I realized I forgot every friggin technique in calculus that I had to derive the solution from the raw concepts.

The basic question always is: Why am I doing this? It's not enough to say that the book says so. I realized that when you start to practice, you can't just rely on the doctrines you learned in class... You have to learn to argue it both ways (or all ways possible). The concept of stare decisis is not supposed to be taken like an axiom... You just have to apply it... no... If that were the case, then some cases shouldn't even be brought to court. When practice starts, there's no such thing as a losing case... You must be able to counter even the concept of double sales both on the factual and doctrinal level.

Just a thought though... I don't want to be in this business... I was comparing what I had before and what I have now... and I found that they are in two different planes. It's not because this emulates reality more than math... It's because there are some things in math that you can be sure of. After you solve something, you just know if you got it or not... You feel elated when you get it... If you don't, you can do it all over again. With law, the tension never ends.

Here's the thing with authority... I hate authority. But I find that in this field, I am but a maggot and my opinion... my thoughts... everything I can offer are next to nothing. It's a blessing even when the teachers read what you wrote. But if the teachers or the judges, don't agree with you, you'd find that even if you used the Code, there can always be another answer to the problem... An answer to let the other side win. It's as good as winning things by chance... and I NEVER gamble... (contrary to popular belief)

Eversince I started thinking for myself, I never move without knowing my chances... and if the odds are against me, I stay still... With Math, there's more stability in things. You don't need authorities to tell you you are correct. You just know it. If you solved something out of the basics, you are as good as that guy who lived 500 years ago. For some reason, what you put down on paper, no matter how insignificantly short it is, somehow, it's still worth something.

The reason why I stopped with math is that, I didn't want to ruin it. I don't want to depend on it as my source of living. I want to do it with a peaceful and relaxed mind... not in a desperate attempt to earn a measly so-and-so-Php a day. I needed another field to feed me... and this is it.

I want to finish this... mainly because I need it... But this is not what I intend to do until the day I die... I'm so tired...

Para Sayo

2008-10-06T04:05:00.000-07:00

There comes a point in every man's life...
When he stops living for himself and starts living for another...
To him, you are a god...
The question is, who is he to you?
If you decide to step out of that door, how many people can take your place?
Before now, Magis was just a word.
Four years worth of theory converges at this point
Your decision now is the culmination of all that you'll ever be.

Hindi pa nagsisink-in

2008-10-05T07:50:00.000-07:00

Hindi pa... Finals na... uhm... mamaya... hindi parin nagsisink in...
Tatawa muna ako ng matagal... hahahahahahahahahaha! (wheeze)
Wala akong yosi... (naiisip ko nanaman) Gusto ko narin tumigil...

Meron akong ginagawa ngayon to curb my appetite for nicotine: Deprivation as long as people see me... I try my best to avoid smoking... MY BEST... maraming magsasabi na: WALA NAMANG NANGYAYARI KAY KUY2 SA QUITTING STINT NYA...

I'm happy to report though that I have successfully cut down from 15-17 sticks a day to a mere 9 sticks... eat that sheet beetz! Pero 2 weeks, 3 days length yun... hahaha!!! Gusto ko narin tumigil... feeling ko nakaka-add yun sa 'confident kind of air' ko... Uulitin ko lang po ulit... hindi ako mataray... madali lang ako maging monster lately... dahil nga nagcucutdown sa yosi, sa pagkain at sa pagtulog... Pero mabait naman ako... ata... pero hindi ko sure.

Nakakatuwa lang yung ack of road rage ko ngayon... hindi naman ako masaya pero parang wala akong pakialam kung bumangga ako ngayon... seriously... dati nanghahabol ako ng mga bus ng sumisigaw... ngayon, I drive em off the road without even opening my mouth... or my window...

Pero napapagod narin ako magdrive... Everyday, gigising ako thinking: magddrive nanaman?! Tapos may friend ako nun ganito ang linya sakin while I'm riding shotgun sa kanyang van: "Alam mo, minsan, lumilipad nalang yung utak ko habang nagddrive ako... Minsan nagugulat nalang ako nakarating na ako sa pupuntahan ko"

Mula nung panahon na yun, tuwing sasakay ako sa car nun, nakakapit ako somewhere... hindi nalang ako nagsseatbelt... showing a sign of trust... pero sa totoo lang, seriously... napagaralan ko narin kung pano ako gagalaw kung bumangga man kami...

Syempre, sa mga panahon na yun, naisip ko: "THAT IS UNSPEAKABLE!" dahil nga dapat nga alert ka or stuff stuff... yada yada... somthn somthn... pero ngayon, nararamdaman ko narin yung ganun... like... my hands on the wheel... singin' Jesus take the wheel... step on the accelerator, then sleep with my eyes open... Kasi, seriously, in today's world... who gets enough sleep? (Kung meron man... for sure, tamd yun)

See? sabi ko sayo... hindi parin nagsisink in... Property na bukas... (mayabang ako... may reviewer na ako... ang sarap pala ng feeling na hindi nagccram... although nagdederive ako ng confidence sa fact na I can eat up 3 inches worth of material in 3 hours before the exams...) Feeling ko naman, kaya ko na kung ano man itapon sakin bukas... kahit papano... I mean... may masasabi naman ako... Hindi tulad ng isang exam namin... sometime ago... susmaryosep... hindi talaga halatang may galit samin... hindi talaga halata... kumbaga... may nakaprint na sa noo namin: REJECT!

Howell... minsan ganun talaga ang buhay... win some... lose some...

Owwww happeeee deeeeih...

Ampumpuntot o Anganus

2008-10-03T06:41:00.000-07:00

Mga Ilocano... hindi tatawa... unless mali yung spelling ko... shaddup!
Sabi ni inay
Ako daw ay Mataray
Ampupuntot.

Balasang nga ampupuntot o balasang nga na anganus?

Mataray ba ako?
Natuwa ako a conversation namin ni Mama kanina...
1.) Masyado daw akong mataray
2.) Masyado akong spoiled... at malamang mahirap maging girlfriend
3.) Maghanap daw ako ng boyfriend na long distance (isipin mo nalang hagalpak ko kanina)
4.) Hindi ko daw kelangan maghanap... Dadating nalang daw yun... (But! I AM THE CAP'N OF MY SHIP DIBA?!)
5.) Alam ko daw ba pinasok ko... lawschool, I mean...

May dramatic connection naman yan... Dun wuri... Sabi ko kasi, hindi ko alam kung anong meron pagkatapos ng lawschool. Sabi ko, yung apat na taon ko sa Math at yung sana'y maging apat at kalahating taon ko sa lawschool eh PLAN B lang... In case hindi ako makapagasawa...

Mama: Ano ba talagang gusto mo sa buhay? Anong naiimagine mong pangaraw araw na buhay mo?

Ako: Housewife...

Mama: Hahahahahahaha!!! ha.... (narealize nya na seryoso ako)

Ako: Wala na akong ibang gugustuhin pa kundi ang gumising araw araw para mataranta sa kung anong gourmet food ang ipapabaon ko sa mga anak ko... Manunuod ng TV sa tanghali... o kaya'y magrun ng restaurant habang asa school sila at nasa opis ang asawa ko... Tapos bago sila dumating sa hapon, mataranta ulit for them...

Mama: Pano kung nakapagasawa ka ng gago?

Ako: Kea nga ako nagaaral... Yun ang Plan B... Anong say mo? Mas maayos pa yung Plan B ko kesa sa Plan A...

Mama: Wag mong hanapin kasi... Kung panahon mong magasawa, panahon mo...

Ako: Pero Mama! (At ang 'Mama' ay dapat yung tipong pang-haciendera-slash-spanish-telenovela na 'Mama') Isipin mo, I'll be 24 WHEN I become a lawyer! wala nang chance pg 30 na ako... Ilan taon ka ba nagasawa?

Mama: 26

Ako: Oh! 26! 24 to 26 lang ang panahon kong maglamierda sa buong mundo! New York! Europe! Hong Kong! Tawi-Tawi! Kung sakali man... Hindi ako pwedeng magasawa sa mga panahon na yun! Kelangan bawiin ang lahat ng mga nawalang panahon para magkaroon ng social life... 26-29 na lamang ako makakapaghanap ng asawa!

Mama: Tandaan mo na may 365 days a year

Ako: (Seryosong linya ito) Pero magkakaroon pa ng panahon kung magaabugado man ako, na wala akong panahon sa lahat ng bagay... Dahil mageestablish ako sa practice! Kelangan wala akong alalay na masasabihang: Mag-appear ka dito! Mag-appear ka dyan! Appear! Lahat yun ako gagawa! Wala akong panahon maghanap ng asawa! Besides, ayaw kong maging dysunctional ang mga anak ko... Isipin mo nalang na wala ang nanay nila dahil nagtatrabaho...

Mama: Pagbutihin mo para kontrolado mo ang oras... At ano naman ipapakain mo sa anak mo? At least kung abugado ka, hindi ka pushover... Hindi ka entry-level.

Ako: Hindi naman lahat ng bagay ay tungkol sa pera.

Mama: Pero at least 90% ay tungkol sa pera...

Ako: Ayaw ko naman na bday ng anak ko, tatawag yung client tapos pinapunta ako sa meeting or what not.

Mama: Pagbutihin mo nga para tatawagan ka palang, may bayad na agad...

Ako: Eh kelan pa yun? pag 50 na ako?!

Yun nga... parang anong outcome nitong ginagawa ko? Never ending routines and stress... Haaay... fine fine... Might as well get it over with... Hoping one day I'll be living the life of a housewife... NYAK!

may naririnig akong tumatawa... SHADDUP!

Checklists and Seeing Through the Looking Glass

2008-09-30T19:58:00.000-07:00

Why is it now do I feel like I'm in a cage? It's a blissful, gloomy Wednesday and I'm here trying to to kill myself over work? I'm having a fever and I could just curl up in bed and watch something... But to do so would be tantamount to academic suicide.

The first exam was yesterday... may I just say that it was almost a no-brainer... meaning... me having no brains... I answered it almost robotically... although, you know me... I am no good with multiple choices and true or false exams... I am terribly careless... It's as if when I finally get back my exam, the questions suddenly CHANGE... different from how I previously read it... I simply have no patience for reading long sentences...

And I am terrible with checklists. All I can do is finish the tasks in a previously made checklist. I can't seem to make a checklist of my own.

Everything lately is to stringent...
My creativity is being squashed right into the ground
When can I go back to the days when I would just sit somewhere quietly and enjoy the beauty of things around me... finding beauty and perfection of God's creation even at the bottom of a plastic cup?
Where are the equations of nature? Where are the correlations and patterns?
There was a time when I can almost always tell the traffic condition in a certain place depending on some factors... or the current mood of the people around me... or where most of the population is converging at a particular moment... I acted based on an expected outcome that is, more often than not, equivalent to what would actually happen.

Lately, it's as if there's a certain force that tries to tweak the outcome... 99% of the time, what happens is not what I expected it to be. The thing is, lately, most of the time, even if Scenario A has less than 1% chance of happening, it would happen even if factors dicate otherwise. It sends me reeling... I can't help but feel like I'm in some form of Truman's Show... in a quasi-reality at least where miracles or anti-miracles are forced into every moment. I don't know if it's the effect of me being so out of it lately... limiting my life inside a cooped up world composed of merely the School, the House and the Mall/s... that I can't seem to see all the factors I need to see. I used to rely on people and the actual world to know the factors... but now, I only see the world through this looking glass... the net.

Or maybe this is the message that God is sending me... that he really can tweak the rules he had laid out in the first place... Or maybe I'm going crazy... Blame it all on this checklist

Ateneo Bonfire 2008

2008-09-30T16:09:00.000-07:00

Was it that long ago since I had a social life?
1 hour of nervewrecking stint with the parking...
People you expected point blank to be there
Messages unreceived (well, you KNOW, they're floating around there somewhere... but with that crowd of people, the digital messenger just can't seem to find you... then you start to receive them IN BULK the moment you step out of the school)
No dinner... (Well... super late dinner... tantamount to a very early breakfast)
Walking in the rain... waiting outside people's houses in the rain...

But with Mark Eds (my other half... him West and me East... The both of us comprising the WHOLE WORLD), Mark Ayaay, Deb, Joan A., Nix, Arn (and his SLR), Juby, MARK L, Richmond (oh sorry... RICO), Jeff, Ibyang and Anj. --> Every little complaint abovestated became soooo worth it!

Rich, Mark and I walked across school, then across Katipunan to find a place to eat... I don't remember that walk ever to be tiring... Or was it because it was dark and I was wearing weird shoes? We ate at SBC (DUN NANAMAN?!)... Pwede na...

How many places can you be in one night?

2008-08-30T06:23:00.000-07:00

Hindi parin natatalo yung 5 spots way back when pero 3 is good... better than none... hehehe... at least we had a break from our monotonous life...

I thought it was going to be another day gone bad nanaman... pero it's Dave to the rescue! Sarap sa La Maison... and it did not occur to me na parties pupuntahan ko... So when I was at tammy's hindi na ako masyado makakain dahil sobrang bondats na ako... I can make that shellfish dish... dare me... pero syempre, dapat may kakain... belat... (pumunta ka nga dito, DEN... wait hahagikgik muna ako... hagikgikgikgikgik... gawin natin yung shellfish... ikaw lang ang makakataste test nun)

Tapos nanuod kami ng death race... DEATH RACE... it's one of those movies na walang kakwentakwenta ang story pero rated 11/10 because of cars and ammos... Of course maybe rated a million over 10 with respect to the men because of that part where sexy girls alighted from the bus but... howell... nothing beats cars and guns and high-risk-slash-mcgyver moments...

Nagtaka lang ako... if an office receives a package that is easy to open... congratulations gift for a job well done... wouldn't the security open it to check? ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU RECEIVE IT IN PRISON... Of course it's highly fictitious kasi one it's unconstitutional... Tapos I was computing it on my way here... 300 dollars for 120 days... that is far better than the Filipino setting... pero wala pa naman tayong commercialized fight to the death moments diba? Hands down lang ako sa concept kanina na there is not concept of fair play... pero they still made an issue out of it... Unlike the Speedracer movie... na sobrang may assumption of fairplay... ewan ko... Basta... Death Race ain't a clean movie... it flunked my plot standard... Pero okay yung effects (kasi when you're watching the movie, you know that they really made the cars fly... hindi sya computer effect lang... Classic still gets to me...

After that, I had to race my ass off to La Vista... andun si Ayleen... in fairness... pumayat nga sya... Natutuwa naman ako na she's doing well naman... gyuuuuness!!! (Sayang, Acel... wala SYA... dehins mo nakita tsong... heehee... tatahimik na ako)

Lover's paradise at La Vista contrary to the break-up month theory... hehehe... Peace tayooo... Titigil na ako sa kakaasar sa mga tao.... titigil na talaga ako...

It's been a freakin' long time since I did that... I need to get out more often... Pwede naman pala... letche...

Not one of those funny posts... We ain't exactly living

2008-08-28T05:42:00.000-07:00

Hindi ako makaconcentrate sa Crimpro. Hindi ako maniniwala kay Pat at Roy when they said that bukas nalang sila magaaral... Sa rate ng recits nila... I doubt kung tumitigil silang magaral... (3 days before palang ata, tapos na nila yung readings... Feeling ko ngayon tinatapos na nila yung trial)

Ako, asa Pre-Trial palang, wala inaantok na ako (speaking of which... I have to go look for food... ewan walang konek).

Si Kai naman... hahaha!!! hmmm... feeling ko inspired sya ngayon... feeling ko lang naman... heehee... peace luv... (smiling and humming while reading?)

Ambilis kong sumibat kanina sa GA... sobrang takot akong masaraduhan ng parking... Sa katalinuhan ko ba naman kasi kanina... diredirecho ako sa Ateneo Parking... (eh wala na akong pera to transfer my car sa Plant)

Nakakain narin ako sa SOMS sa wakas... machalap... hahaha!!! fun pa kanina... heehee...

Line-up: Kai, Ernie, G, Drei, Roy, Pat, Kuy... hehehe...

Sana maulit muli
Sana maulit muli
Sana maulit muli
Sana maulit muli
(corni)

We were talking kanina about a lot of stuff... (fun stuff and other stuff) and we got into the topic of friends...

Kai: Pag pumasok ka talaga sa lawschool, lumiliit yung mundo mo...

Hindi lang pala ako...

Mahirap talaga makisama... sa schedule, sa finances, sa interests... even sa attitude changes... sa totoo lang...

Plus we were pondering over our lives... We know we'll regret everything when we turn 40 BUT here we are still... striving to become your personal, albeit pocket draining, servants. I'm not saying that lawschool is all bad but in terms of living, we're not exactly doing that at the moment... AND we're doing what we are doing for a chance at living, which, by our standards, involves a lot of cash, cars and vices... not exactly what they teach you in GMRC all the way through Philo.

Looking at my highschool classmates: Kris Angel-Abellana and Francie Ruiz-Calderon and Rica Borja (I'm not exactly sure what her family name is now... sorry Rix...)... As you can see, they are happily married and, as a matter of fact, happy moms... Now, THAT is what you call living. They're successful AND they're part of something meaningful.

Note what I said: A CHANCE at living... In this day and age, we're not exactly sure if we're gonna have our own mansions when our time comes... We're not even sure if we're gonna survive all the way through 2011. (I'm not even sure if I'm gonna survive this sem... much less this year). Surviving it ain't even enough. You're individually pushed to be at the top to the point where you have to be sure that you have enough people below you so that when they have to cut down the population, you won't be part of the batch to be discarded. It's definitely NOT the right attitude but sometimes, that thought is the only thing that can lull you to sleep.

Whoever heard of people fighting for weekends? There used to be a time when weekends comprised of Friday afternoons, and two WHOLE days. Now, it seems such a blessing if we can spend our Saturday afternoons napping since, more often than not we're in school reciting... 4 hours of Sundays are spent for personal time, in my case, 1 hour personal usually at the gym, 1 hour extremely personal (brush teeth, take shower, etc), 1 hour lunch, 1 hour dinner, 30 mins maybe for transportation time... give or take. The rest is spent on my desk or tucked in a coffee shop corner, ignoring shivers and reading piles of cases. I have even accepted 5 hour sleeps (since according to studies, 2-6 hours of sleep gives more wake up time...) Ewan ko kung psychosomatic nalang 'to but I actually feel more alert if I barely slept than if I overslept... I remember a time when I would shout at anyone who would dare wake me when I only got 8 hours of sleep... it has to be 10 hours... 10 freakin' hours.

I also remember this certain time computation... You have 24 hours a day, 8 hours of sleep... 1/3 of your life, you spend sleeping... If in the olden days, the State problem was laziness... Now, I think, the State should be concerned with health and overstress... It's as if the economic and the labor force machineries are overheating... It might breakdown soon if they don't start controlling it.

It's funny how the famous line "Filipinos are lazy" is now terribly misplaced. This generation is FAR from lazy...

Computing the average lawstudent time:
24 hours a day * 7 days
4 hours of classtime * 5 days
5 hours of sleep * 7
4 hours max of personal time * 7
everything else devoted to running after backlogs...

Do the math... How much time are we actually wasting?

Atty. Tan mentioned earlier that when she was in lawschool, she was clueless... I AM clueless... Instead of mapping out my future and balancing every aspect of my life, I just concentrate on getting through the day without fainting in the elevator. I even stopped wasting my time apologizing to everyone I snap at since I know for a fact I'm just gonna do it again. Precious time ticking...

There was a time when I felt one with society. I was part of the 'lowly' working class, yes those employees you see crossing the street in Ortigas and Makati... Those people you find commuting everyday from one corner of the metro to the farflung other (Ortigas to FARVIEW). I felt one with everyone... I would sit in the bus and strike a conversation with either the driver, the collector or whoever is unfortunate enough to sit next to me. I had learned to trust the people on the streets. I struck me earlier that the reason that I was happy was because I was part of a bigger system with everybody... that simple act of commuting...

But now, due to time constraints, I am not able to do that. My life is confined, according to Fr. David, in little burrows. I used to find it absurd when he talked about the people who drive around in their cars, go to ROCKWELL (of all places), school, bar, house... They don't know what it's like to 'sit with the masses' (yeah, even that is a burrow-like idea). I realized that what I once found absurd... has become who I am... I am dead scared of buses now. I'm starting to believe the horror stories in public transportation and 'dark streets' (when once, you would usually find me walking in those dark streets... a shortcut to the bus stop). I would mentally reprimand pedestrians who would cross just about anywhere... when I myself had once been in their shoes... I would shout at the drivers who would pick up or drop off passengers at the middle of the road not remembering when I had once been a pedestrian dodging cars and screaming: PARA!

In lawschool, I have successfully reverted back into the 'I'. I have forgotten the things that made me free... This desperation stems from that thirst for independence and unity.

Maybe one day, I would find a meaning as to why I am enslaving myself... Maybe there will come a time when I would feel a stronger bond with society once all this is over... Who knows... IF that time comes... correction... WHEN that time comes, I am rightfully called a servant, the only reference of a free person. Maybe I'd be more useful... ergo happier and more satisfied than what I am now... Maybe this is what they call the catharsis... where I am called to bring out the worst in myself and face each one under duress... Where I am allowed to falter... where I am expected to fall flat on my face... in the hopes that when I reach the end of the road, I emerge better as when I charged right in... :)

Wala na... Boring na...

2008-08-25T04:33:00.000-07:00

Ang sarap ng weekend... Best weekend within a span of 1 year... best...

Pero wala nang drama... kea boring na...

Walang ibang magawa kundi: hit the books... bored bored bored... Section 56 parin... hay nako... wala pang letcheng cases...

Cinderella

2008-08-23T06:58:00.000-07:00

Well, technically, hindi nasira yung araw ko kahapon... August 23... kasi August 24 na nangyari kung ano man nangyari...

Wala akong naintindihan sa nangyari ngayon... Pero, ika nga ni Den (hahaha!!!)--> INIISIP MO NANAMAN YAN?! hindi na... kea nga malinis na ym ko... malinis narin utak ko... pati keepsakes, wala na... multiply nalang... effort lang magbura ng past...

Ano ba nangyari kahapon?

Oh yes! Ang usapan namin ni Dave (este Den pala) 10:30 am sa Trinoma... 10:30 ako umalis ng bahay... PERO... may pero eh... NAUNA PARIN AKO!

So pumunta kami dun... AT naglakad lakad kung saan saan... hahaha!!! at may balak nanaman bumili ng bagong toy! tsk tsk tsk... iba na talaga ang mayaman...

Tapos, ayun... lakad lakad... KAIN ng KAIN... tapos nag-Starbucks kami... Lammingtons... at Kape (the usual). Agahan ko pala Jamaican Pattie... Hahahaha!!! balik sa gawi nung midterms... nakakamiss pala yung mga araw sa Coffee Bean...

Tapos papunta kami sa CCP...

Wait lang... hahagalpak muna ako ng tawa...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Si Dave, nagwawala lang sya sa car... iniignore ako... habang kumakanta... (AND I DON'T WANT THE WORLD TO SEE ME! AND I DON'T THINK THAT THEY UNDERSTAND!!!) Maganda yung voice nya... kea lang... HINDI TALAGA AKO PINAPANSIN! pangit...

Tapos, okay pa nung asa Quiapo... tapos okay pa paglagpas ng tulay... then may pababa... tapos HINDI KO NA ALAM KUNG ASAN KAMI!

So panic na ako...

Tawag ako kina Mag at James... tapos asa City Hall daw sila... so ako naman... FOLLOW THAT CLOCK!!!. Sa sobrang takot na akong mawala, I was planning to beg James and Magic to accompany us to CCP... kasi, believe it or not... we left Trinoma at 4:30... we arrived there, mag 7pm na! (MAGALING... AT AKO PA ANG DRIVER... goodluck at buti nalang talaga hindi kami nahuli sa lahat ng traffic violations na ginawa namin kanina)

The next thing I knew... I was bound for QUIAPO! we had to go back to quiapo, make a pasaway na uturn somewhere... na hindi naman ata dapat pinaguu-turnan... buti nalang walang pulis... THEN WE'RE CCP... uhm uhmm... FREE!

So we ate at that shop there with the weird chairs... sarap sana sa labas... pero there were these obnoxious people na lasing na ata... kids, actually... pero kahit yung guys, matinis yung boses... parang hindi marunong makipagusap ng normal everything... kelangan talaga... "LHYYYYK OOOOWWW MAAAAAAY GAAAAHD!"

I was like: Do you want to go in? I feel like WE'RE NOT WANTED HERE!!!

Yun... tapos... we watched the play... Thank you sa bumili ng tix... you know who you are...

Funny story though... muntik na akong manuod nun magisa... the tickets that were bought were like B101, B102 and C101... hahahaha!!! I had to buy the C102 tix...

Maganda sya... of course, can't expect anything less from Lea Salonga... pero I really can't say the same for prince... uhmmm Christopher Rupert Windmehr Lademeh Carl Alexander Francois Reginald Lancelot Herman Gregory James...

hindi ko alam yung W and L part of the name...

I loved it...

Pero yung last part... as of today...
I'm sorry for overanalyzing things...
I'm sorry for being who I am...
I am very sorry...
But I realized that, yes, I can change...
pero I can't force it now...
I can't...
Accept me if you can and want...
pero, I hope this don't come as an insult: I don't expect you to understand...
I won't hold that against you...
Pero I'd rather stay now with the people who understand...

Come to think of it...
I can't say I wasn't warned that this day will happen...
I just didn't expect that the pressure is THIS much...
Only a lawstudent would understand the twists of another lawstudent...
Pero there's no room to be who you're not...

Let everything within out...
Every moment, I must be on my feet
Dodge what I can dodge...
Grind my teeth when I get hit...
But forgive me when I throw my own punch...
Because, I can assure you... it will hurt...

Eklavu and Chorvalu

2008-08-22T03:10:00.000-07:00

And kulit... hahaha!!!

Karen, Nes, Ben, Magic, Tammy, Xid, Joni --> kain sa pepper lunch... tsalap!

Karen, Nes, Ben, Magic --> rocked powerstation... ang kulit... hahaha!!! I remembered the days when dancing happens in the bowels of ktv bars... by azeus people and yours truly... Kahit na kitang kita kami sa labas ng powerstation... kebs... basta kanta and sayaw... stress reliever mehn... sobrang ready na ako to face another year... hahaha!!! andrama...

Tapos si Nes, habang kumakanta, may pinaghuhugutan...
Si Karen, nung All or Nothing na song, meron din pinaghuhugutan (pwedeng pang American Idol)
At Ben... hahaha!!! I lab youuuu... ay hindi pala... sobrang taas sa mga exams... I HEYTYUUUU... walang syang pinaghuhugutan PERO bigay na bigay... whooot! 100 ka beybeh!
Si Magic... AS USUAL! HINDI NANAMAN KUMANTA... HINDI TALAGA! gaaar...

Sarap ng vanilla ice cream at menthol... sarap... saraaaap... heaven mehn... hahaha!

Ay Shet

2008-08-21T05:46:00.000-07:00

Ngayon ko lang natandaan... May nadaanan akong patay kanina sa tapat ng Ateneo... May ambulance sa tabi nya... Pero SANA hindi sya patay talaga...

Sana, nahulog lang sa butas or lasing or nahulugan ng libro, knock out...

Nagalala tuloy ako...
Gusto ko sya itext pero hindi pwede...

I can't sleep... I'm waiting for the news...